Somewhere in my Memory

2012-01-25T21:00:00.000-08:00

I need more time to be kind.

I'm a horrible representative for Christ. Horrible.

I want to love; not for my sake, nor to earn my way to God, but rather for the sake of others and their salvation. If I love, it needs to be for their benefit and for their correct perception of God.

2012-01-10T15:25:00.000-08:00

I have a choice and I am not incapable of choosing.

I can choose to trust myself or Christ. I can choose to defend myself or believe God is my defense. I don't think, as a believer, that he ever stops being our defense, however, if we should choose to take matters in our own hands, we will reap certain consequences for those choices.

When I am insulted, abused, stripped of my dignity, my worth and my respect, I can choose to see what I cannot see; that God has crowned me, as a believer, with honor.

"I do not seek to glorify myself; if I glorify myself, my glory is nothing."

Tear Down This Wall!

2012-01-05T16:19:00.000-08:00

In Christ, I know I am absolutely free of any condemnation.

However, my behavior matters to me possibly more than it did before relying on Jesus. Reason being, I am able to grasp the reason for morality and kind words. Previously, living under a taskmaster of my own creation, the rules were something I obeyed without questions or the need for explanation.

Grace opened my eyes to the world, in a sense. That did not, unfortunately, make it easier to practice morality. To the contrary... I was freed to reason and make my own choices.

While speaking with a friend a few weeks ago, he diagnosed my issue with extraordinary ease. He told me I was too well acquainted and reliant upon boundaries. Too often I have counted on my boundaries to keep me safe from harm, so much so that I have scarcely exercised my ability to make choices. Those muscles have long since become atrophied.

I take encouragement in my dissatisfaction and I know freedom will come eventually, albeit with a considerable amount of difficulty.

It's Me Again

2011-12-02T21:10:00.000-08:00

Everything I desire to write would just be a rerun of previous blog posts.

I haven't made any progress, and at times, I find myself angry with people who tempted me to believe this grace message, yet I know it isn't grace causing me to live this way. To be honest, it's me causing me to live this way. It sounds extremely cliche, but I have been made free (from sin) by Christ. I have no excuse for my behavior, but don't know what it stems from. Perhaps it's my lack of communion with God. But how do I go back to disciplining myself when fear is no longer behind me, urging me forward?

Everyday is an obstacle-course of choices. Do I, in my stress, lash out in anger, or do I choose to trust God? I ignore the latter. I don't want God to work the situation out for good. I want the stress to go away.

Do I gossip about the person I do not like? Do I complain about them? Or do I consider their position? Do I put myself in their shoes? I grow desensitized in my selfishness. My judgment turns to rust and I make foolish assumptions about who they are.

I had no idea that only two years of legalism could have caused me to be so tired. Shouldn't I, after 3 years of knowing grace, have the energy to begin anew?

This quote from Lord of the Rings describes me best:

"I feel... thin. Sort of stretched, like... butter scraped over too much bread."

2011-09-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

I'm stuck, entangled, caught, trapped, whatever. I'm miserable. I have been for some time now.

I want out.

I want to "breathe the free air again".

I don't want to be angry or selfish anymore.

Sin dulls everything.

To be free from the law and sin is to be completely free. I want to know that.

I went from one prison cell to another.

2011-06-28T07:54:00.000-07:00

I'm taking a serious detox from the people and teachings I listened to. From them, I learned so much nonsense and lost that first love I had for Christ.

I feel like they stole it from me with all the stupid, contradicting messages I listened to.

They made God extremely unlikable and unrealistic.

I don't need them to tell me what He is like.

"They shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest."

I'm sick of properly dressed, type A personalities who hold your imperfection in the light, cracking the whip, burdening you to be better, more organized, more productive, more efficient in your evangelism, more consistent in your spiritual disciplines.

I wanna bleed all of it out and experience the real Christ and his real message.

2011-06-14T09:20:00.001-07:00

Here I am, still making horrible choices, treating people like garbage, and I don't feel the strength to stop.

I still hate in my heart, I lust, and I fear other men. My mind is still set on this world.

The thing is, I don't feel guilty anymore.

I just want out of this mess.

I want to be free again.

2011-05-09T16:30:00.000-07:00

I'm not alright.

2011-04-22T07:07:00.001-07:00

I hate when I see a new believer, full of joy and and the Holy Spirit, succumb to a blabbering idiot, blabbering away about how much they need to start doing for God.

It infuriates me to think of anyone quenching the beautiful new love they have inside of them.

The love inside of them is more than enough to fuel them. There's no need in someone throwing guilt trips on them.

2011-04-03T07:44:00.000-07:00

The irony of a legalistic person speaking against legalism is almost too much to bear.

2011-03-26T18:22:00.000-07:00

I used to think being a Christian shielded you from emotional hurts.

Wrong.

No Return Policy

2011-03-25T11:42:00.000-07:00

You can sin as a Christian, but in my experience, you cannot fully live in it.

Something inside keeps you from being totally given over to it; totally deceived by it's lust.

What I am saying is that you can indeed give into it's desires, but you can not be it's slave. It longer has ownership of you. Christ made sure of that.

I can't fully be given over to anger. I belong to Another. He bought me and He keeps me because He paid the price for me in full; He didn't just put a down payment.

It isn't through my will power, but it's because He bought me. He paid for me and He got what He purchased. He predestined me to belong to Him, and He will have me, no matter what power seeks to buy me back. It's non-negotiable.

I am His because He made me His.

How Firm a Foundation

2011-03-11T15:47:00.000-08:00

Can we really begin to be healed before we truly relax in the love of Christ and become utterly dependent on his grace?

The whole of Christianity is built on the foundation of Christ.

A correct view of mankind is understanding mankind is dead. Utterly helpless and lifeless, God, in his sovereignty, picks him up and breathes life into him. He causes us to stand. He holds us up.

True Christianity is Christianity that brings joy to a sinners heart because his eyes are opened to the reality that God does not require anything from him, but has himself provided the sacrifice needed to take away all judgment. True Christianity is all of God's doing and all of man's trust in that doing.

Christianity is that I do absolutely nothing but put my whole trust on Christ and Christ alone.

What distortion some will give the good news that God brings to the world. His news and his gift was intended to change a man's heart and draw him close, but these people scare the sheep away from their shepherd. I don't doubt the condemnation that waits for those who put a stumbling block in the way of someone who wants so much to trust in Christ alone, but is constantly hindered by false teaching.

"Anyone who causes one of these little ones who trust in me to stumble, it would be better for him to have a millstone tied around his neck and be thrown into the depth of the sea."

You can trust totally in Christ and rest assured his work is a sure work and his work paid the debt that was owed. He is strong enough to save you.

2011-03-04T18:51:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I think the change is making it's way through, that God is working in me what he wills to do.

I get so low at times, thinking, "Look at where I've come from. I was beautiful and pure once. Now I've fallen back into things that I once strove to avoid."

But I just don't have the will or strength to fight it anymore. Not that I embrace it; just that I know I can't overcome it by my own strength.

Maybe this is the meaning of Christ displaying his strength in my weakness. Maybe it's in those fleeting moments of genuine care and compassion that the light of Christ peaks out through this fallen body. Maybe it's when I least expect it or am totally unaware of it.

After all, it seems to be that way with Christ's flock. They will ask him on that Day, "Lord, when did I see you and love you?" They were genuinely at a loss as to what he was talking about. They never even realized it was happening. It was all due to the power of a kind and gracious God, who slowly and gently worked in us to will and to do.

I want the real power of God to miraculously change my heart and my ways. I've seen first hand that the flesh can only give birth to flesh. Likewise, only the Spirit can birth true love into, and through, a person.

"Though I am very dark, I am lovely" says the bride.

2011-02-26T11:21:00.000-08:00

Why is it that people tend to put education on a pedestal as though it were next to godliness?

It isn't. It doesn't make you a better person for pursuing an education.

It doesn't mean you're lazy and irresponsible either.

America puts far too much weight on one's education.

2010-12-08T13:20:00.000-08:00

I have a lot of thoughts and opinions pent up inside of late.

It seems like this grace stuff has messed me up. I'm not sure where I stand on the whole "identity" issue... I never really cared much for the identity thing, honestly.

If I renounce my faith in Christ, then I'm not saved. I hear a lot of people in this identity movement saying it doesn't matter if you deny him or not, you still have the identity as a child of God-- bull shit. The requirement for salvation is to persevere in the faith. It's not a one-time deal, It's an ongoing process. "The one who endures to the end will be saved."

And this whole self-righteous attitude of the identity crowd toward the legalistic crowd (ironic, isn't it?) is extremely irritating to me. I daresay a legalist is saved, though he doesn't fully understand God's once-for-all forgiveness.

But as far as a universalist, or someone who abandons all sound doctrine because he believes grace covers him... that person is out of their mind. Paul never says that a person has the freedom to believe heresy. Never. That person is free from the demands of the law, but he or she is not free to believe another gospel or whatever the hell they decide to conjure up with their own imagination.

I don't mind atheists or agnostics or pagans who spout bull shit. I can befriend them and enjoy their company even though they poke fun at my beliefs; I expect it from them-- but not from believers who know the Scriptures.

Grace does NOT give you the freedom to embrace heresy and still maintain your 'identity'. No where is that in the Scripture. God requires obedience, and that of faith. I'm laying no burden on anyone here. I'm simply entreating them to come under God's kindness through trust in Jesus Christ alone. I'm not spreading hate or disunity. Disunity is spread by those who willingly preach lies. Am I a someone who causes disunity because I speak the truth?

I've had enough. I think I'd rather go back to hanging out with the "legalistic" crowd.

2010-11-01T09:39:00.000-07:00

I thought grace made things better, not worse.

2010-10-24T18:39:00.000-07:00

I'm falling apart, really. I feel unstable and out of control of my tongue and my behavior.

I find myself repeatedly asking God and myself "What's happening to me?"

I'm so angry all the time now. I complain and I gossip. I lust and I hate.

I wonder... Where is God? Why doesn't he come pouring into my thoughts and emotions like that first day? I need something to strengthen me and renew me, but it seems like I'm waiting for something that may never come in this life.

I thought when I understood grace and believed it that things would get better, but I see myself getting worse.

It's sort of like I've totally ran out of energy to serve and to obey. I'm devoid of strength and will. I've lost the will to hold back the flood of selfishness and anger.

I'm just tired. I need to rest. I need a fresh revelation; a fresh experience of God.

I can't allow myself to be disregarded by God anymore. I need him to love me and care for my feelings, and to stay with me through them, no matter how negative they may be.

2010-10-19T20:06:00.000-07:00

I really hurt.

Done

2010-10-18T07:33:00.000-07:00

It is such a relief to just relax and to stop trying to make God pleased with me. I don't intend to do anything right now. If something happens, well and good, but if not, that's fine with me.

If I do anything, I want it to be joyful service to the one I love and not contrived.

I am absolutely done with refusing God's grace.

If nothing ever changes in my behavior, still I will hope in his grace and trust in it to work a good work in me.

I am resolved to be myself and to shed all pretense for the sake of gaining Christ's righteousness. I'll gladly give up any super holy image in order to be clothed with his holiness.

Being a "Good" Christian

2010-10-07T11:14:00.000-07:00

My Christian life feels so strange now. It feels like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders. These past 3 years of understanding and believing in the grace of God have totally destroyed an old, faulty, legalistic Christian paradigm and replaced it with a completely new paradigm centered around faith, hope and love.

No longer am I concerned with Christian niceties or making sure that my life revolves around endless sermons on behavior change.

Now, contrary to popular understanding, I believe you can be a liberal democrat and be a Christian.

I believe you can have the world's worst potty mouth and be a sincere follower of Christ.

I believe you can struggle with drug addictions, alcohol addictions, you name it, and still be a committed follower of Christ.

I believe you can listen to the crudest music you want and yet be a genuine lover of Christ.

I believe you can be a filthy, messy, screwed up, dumb ass and yet be one of those that will receive great honor and glory upon the return of Christ.

Why do I believe such things now? Because I saw that I had nothing to offer God under the supervision of the law. I am fully assured I could never accomplish any feat of holiness or righteousness by what I do or do not do. I was a law man.

Now, I am a faith man. Since the law could not accomplish what I wanted it to accomplish in my life, and since God demands faith as the channel through which we are made supremely right with him by the finished work of Jesus Christ, I figured I would be the best faith-man he has ever seen. I'll be the dumbest, most outlandish, insane idiot with a reckless faith in God. By the power of the Holy Spirit, I will believe in his goodness and grace toward me even if it means dying. What else do I have to offer God except faith? Nothing.

Faith is all that God requires of me and since faith is all that I have to give, I will gladly be ruthless with it. I'll stubbornly set my face toward Christ, the cross and the resurrection. Nothing else.

When the end comes, and I stand before God, he will say to me, "Well done, well done! You are exactly what I've been looking for: someone crazy enough to believe what I told them!"

The kingdom of God is not a place that shuts out everyone but the 'righteous'. The kingdom of God throws a huge feast, and invites anyone crazy enough to believe that they're allowed in.

2010-09-23T19:44:00.000-07:00

I hurt.

2010-09-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of minding my p's and q's.

I'm sick of all the subtle or implied laws of American Christianity.

I'm sick of feeling guilty over everything.

I'm sick of sermons on behavior.

I'm sick of 'Christian' music. 99% of it sounds stupid.

I'm sick of being nice.

I'm sick of being afraid of people.

I'm sick of caring what others will think of me.

I'm sick of Christians expecting certain behaviors of you that have nothing to do with faith, hope or love.

I'm sick of facades, airs, and pretenses.

I appreciate honesty, and I believe God does too.

My First Words...

2010-09-07T10:16:00.000-07:00

as a new born babe in Christ.

These are posts I found from an old blog of mine that have posts which show my sudden transition to Christ.

I am very ashamed and surprised to read the older posts before I came to Christ. I was extremely vicious and full of hate for my family. It was very strange reading them.

Anyway, here is my first post after becoming a Christian:

February 25th, 2006

"I am asking everyone who reads this to accept Jesus Christ. He died for you..Can you not just accept his gift?

ANYONE with attempts at criticism or belittling will be subjected to me laughing at them. Save it for the judgment throne, will you?"

February 28th 2006

"It's a beautiful day today, and it will be the rest of the week. It's 68 degrees and it'll be getting into the upper 70s. It's funny, I used to hate spring/summer for the fact everything was alive again. But now, its one of the most awesome experiences, to watch everything start blossoming and growing again. Being filled up with the Holy Spirit is better than any drug or drink man can offer. I hope all of you who read this also open yourselves up to the Lord.

God bless."

Empowering Grace

2010-08-23T19:27:00.000-07:00

After finding grace difficult to continue in after seeing some sins of mine come to the surface, I realized that grace is not the cause of sin, but it is the cure. God's power works through my faith in his gospel. His Word (the gospel) will accomplish the purpose for which he sent it.

I still have to meditate on and begin to allow the grace of God to work into me every good work God has purposed for me. If I am to accomplish any feat of holiness or piety, it must be from the power that God provides, and that through his gospel.

"The gospel is the power of God to salvation for all who believe."

Washed Clean

2010-08-19T11:43:00.001-07:00

It's such a relief to let go of all my rules such as not allowing myself to listen to certain songs from certain bands. I guess it was necessary for a season. With a lot of that music, the stain of who I used to be still clung to it in my memories and made me sick to my stomach. I absolutely despise that person I was before Christ.

That life was meaningless and without hope or purpose. I hated God and man. Day in and day out I lived out my life in envy, vanity, self pity and hatred.

Today I realize Christ has redeemed me and has washed away my sins. The music is clean for me now.

2010-08-16T11:36:00.000-07:00

I was just thinking about the man I so desire myself to be. I have seen Christ in this way in other men and I want it to be seen in myself.

In some men, one of whom leads our Tuesday night Bible study, there is a loving strength from Christ in them. It's as though Jesus himself is touching you when you see these strong hands leaning over to lay hands on you and pray for you. There is something about that that gives me great comfort, peace and security.

I remember feeling this as a kid, not with my own father, but with a boyfriend of my mom's who I believe sincerely loved and cared for me. I remember on one occasion this man was carrying me up some high stairs in a building and I remember looking down to see how far up we were, and though I am scared of heights, I believed this man could hold me and keep me from falling no matter what happened.

I want to be a strong hand for those who need one. I want to be Jesus for those who can't see him. But when I look at who I want to be, it's like looking at a towering mountain I have to scale and I have nothing to do it with or any strength to even begin climbing.

I pray for strength from Jesus Christ.

2010-08-16T08:47:00.000-07:00

I'm writing right now because I have a heavy heart that is longing for something, but I don't know what.

I've been having dreams about a particular person lately and it's probably the source of the longing and feeling of a desire that cannot be fulfilled. This person is an old friend of mine that I don't talk to anymore. I don't miss them at all, but I miss what we had. I miss being loved like that, which, looking back on it, seems so surreal now as though it were a very strange thing that someone should love me like that.

In these times when I desire something that, even if I were to attain it, it could not satisfy, it's then that I remember the scriptures that tell me I am not of this world; I belong somewhere else. And then I desire to leave and be in that place where I belong.

I hesitate to post this blog because this feels terribly personal.

A Time to Rest

2010-08-14T08:47:00.000-07:00

Honestly, it's difficult for me to be in a lot of today's churches as I'm sure I've mentioned before. Even though I believe works and activity are of vital importance for the Christian, I also think churches have too much of a fascination with works and activity. Some seem to be drifting asleep, subtly implying that works have some role to play in our salvation or in our experience of grace.

I think the church's unhealthy infatuation with works is going to be harmful to it. I think some people are getting wise to it and are looking for something else; something that will give them that original 'fire'. I think they realize they're becoming too preoccupied with doing that they forget Jesus.

Our works must rest on a solid foundation of rest in Christ's salvation. Until we come to a place of rest, we can do no work. I think leaders of most churches often neglect to stress the importance of having a sure foundation. They are indeed quick to say "faith in Christ produces good works" but they skip rest in Christ and move straight on to working. This is a serious mistake. One needs their roots to grow down into Christ and grasp a firm grip on his grace or else they will forever be in limbo.

We can't mature Christians at our pace, but we must let them first come to rest in Christ and allow the Spirit to work into them that which is pleasing in his sight. We forget to do as the apostles did when they, "waited for power from on high".

In an Old Covenant law, it was forbidden a man to leave his wife for war during their first year of marriage. They needed time together to enjoy each other and celebrate their union. The time would come for the man to battle and sweat, but it was not immediately. He needed a time to establish a solid relationship of love with his bride.

So it is with Christ and his bride.

He Seeks Our Glory

2010-08-13T21:07:00.000-07:00

The road really is narrow.

Jesus is the only way and it's such a difficult thing to keep your mind set on what truth is and to live in the light of that truth.

I don't want to be a coward or a people pleaser. I despise the idea of me acting the hypocrite and behaving a certain way just to please others or to keep from being criticized or made fun of. In the past I have been accused of acting 'holier than thou'. Just because I make the decision to submit myself to Christ does not make me 'holier than thou', but if you feel guilty because I choose to submit to him, that's your problem. I don't mean to condemn anyone. The message I preach is one of grace and of judging no one.

Jesus judged no one while on this earth but he entrusted himself to God. He came in humility, knowing that the Most High would exalt him in due time and would make those who condemned him or spoke evil against him bow the knee before him on the Day when God will judge the world.

Press on. Entrust yourself to God. He will exalt you in due time and raise you above every thing you're momentarily suffering. Things aren't really what they seem to be.

"Keep your head way up in the clouds, and never let them get you down."

Fear God?

2010-08-11T21:55:00.000-07:00

I feel like I'm caught between two worlds. I can't go back to legalism and I don't know how to move forward in the light of grace.

Believe me when I say I have tried to go back to fear. I have tried to be as afraid and anxious as I used to be, but since I have trusted in grace, I'm ruined. I can't get that fear back. But now I find myself in a position that I'm not sure is any better than legalism. I find myself in sins I never dealt with while living under constant worry and anxiety.

I don't want legalism, but neither do I want licentiousness. Grace isn't licentiousness, but I find it harder (yes, harder) to say no to sin now that I know my sins are taken away forever by one sacrifice and that I'm no longer under the law.

I feel like I've been duped. I thought when I began to live in grace, it would be easier to say no to sin. Paul said, "Sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace." Yet I find myself more prone to make the decision to sin rather than to obey and I hate it. I almost hate the freedom from fear that I have. I depended on the fear that I might be an insincere Christian to keep me from sinning.

Yet, I do understand there is to be a certain fear of God. Paul says, though I don't understand what he means, that all of us will stand before Him and receive back for what we have done, whether good or bad. "Therefore, knowing the terror of the Lord..." Those are exact words from Paul in the Bible.

Ought I not to fear God? I wouldn't say constant anxiety is what we need, but I believe in a healthy fear of God. The scripture talks about it often. Such as when fear fell on the church when Ananias and Sapphira died after lying to the Holy Spirit; so fear is not a bad thing I don't think.

But how do I get myself to fear God enough not to make the choice to disobey him?

Well, that's what I'm setting out to discover...

2010-08-10T11:03:00.000-07:00

This evening is the evening I go to set up my class schedule. I'm praying this works out so that I can begin school without too much hassle and stress.

My FAFSA will take 2 more weeks to complete and I have until the 12th, two days from now, to get financial aid or they expect me to pay a certain amount up front for my classes. So I'm really hoping God will work this all out for me and I'm setting my thoughts on him to keep from being too worried about it. I need to start school ASAP. I've put it off for too long out of indecision as to which direction I should take in a career path.

I was listening to the Bible earlier in Luke and came to a place where it was said Jesus continued all night in prayer to God.

Prayer is essential for us. Prayer is my place of refuge from the stresses and worries of daily life. It gives me a clear head and helps me to refocus my eyes on the Lord. Jesus is the king, the president, congress, whatever. He has ultimate power in what goes on in this world. The government rests on His shoulders.

2010-08-09T17:09:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I feel so pressured and weak. Vulnerable. Like this world is just too big for me.

I want to be good, but I just can't. I'm such a contradiction and I try to do good, but it seems like nothing I do makes a difference and that I'm always straining out gnats while swallowing a camel.

I haven't been as zealous looking for a job or following up on applications because I'm nervous about working a cash register, but I know I need to just suck it up and do it anyway and that if I get a job with a cash register, eventually I'll get used to it. But I'm just so tired of stepping outside of my comfort zones. It seems like I've constantly pushed myself the past 4 years to do stuff I didn't want to do and I'm tired. I just want to lie down and rest sometimes.

I want to be the man God wants me to be, bold and strong. But I'm not.

I know Jesus said when we know the truth, it will set us free, but I don't feel free. It seems like I'm getting worse rather than better since I began listening to the "Exchanged Life" teachings.

I want to start school, but it's being delayed and it may not work out. It has to work out. I have to start pursuing a career now. I'm almost 24 years old and have never even held a job because I foolishly took a job that was too much. No one will hire me and I keep trying to find jobs I'll be relatively comfortable doing instead of being bold and applying anywhere.

I'm scared of working at fast food restaurants because of the fast-paced, multi-tasking. I'm not very good at it.

He Chose...

2010-08-09T14:46:00.000-07:00

I was thinking about the salvation we have in Christ while mopping the floor of our kitchen today and realized how insane God's unearned love is.

God created man for himself, and man disobeyed God, choosing to live apart from him. And so all men died and were thenceforth evil men, hating God and hating good.

But God, in His grace, decided that He would choose a people out of the world, for himself to shower his mercy and grace on, which would stand in stark contrast to his wrath reserved for the vessels of his wrath.

He didn't have to save any of us. He could have wiped us out and been done with it, but he chose to put on a body, live here for 33 years, and endure the torture and execution of a cross.

It made me think that love doesn't need a reason to love. Should love need a reason, it would cease to be love. God loves us simply because he chose to. It wasn't for who we were that he chose to set his love on us; it was his choice to do so.

He chose to love.

Paul Washer "I don't understand election."

2010-08-09T09:46:00.000-07:00

I post this video not because I agree with everything Paul Washer says, because there are things I highly disagree with, such as what he says concerning being born again before faith in Christ. I believe faith in Christ must precede spiritual re-birth. We receive the gift by faith even though that faith itself is a gift.

Anyway, I just think it's good hearing him explain man's total depravity, because it's easy, being born in this world, to think men aren't really that bad.

According to the Grace Given...

2010-08-08T13:22:00.001-07:00

I've haven't been doing anything the past two days except playing on my new laptop.

But I have wanted to start up my blog again and see if I can help rekindle the blogging community a little. I realize Facebook is helping a lot of people learn about grace, but with Facebook, there are so many people that it is difficult to get to know people and there are so many different opinions out there and people who do not know you, who are not going to be very gracious should they dislike something you say.

I am in a hard place at the moment, as you can see with a few of my more recent posts. I seem to have went back on grace, which isn't necessarily true. I have learned a lot from people like Steve McVey, Malcolm Smith and others. But, that being said, I do think there are truths and things about God that some people within the 'grace community' tend to overlook.

I am really sick of listening to people teach the Bible. Not that it's wrong to teach, but I myself have heard just about everything there is to hear and I've had a belly full. I want to begin to learn from the Scriptures myself and to learn directly from God.

In the 'grace community' there is a fear that someone may lay commandments of do's and don't's on them. Yet I see Jesus in the Scriptures giving commandments to His disciples.

In dealing with the Christians who tend to be more works-oriented, I simply get sick to my stomach when I hear people tell me what to do. I'm fine hearing it from Jesus, but hearing men tell me what to do makes me lash out irrationally (I pulled that line from the film "Santa Clause" with Tim Allen). Well, maybe I don't lash out irrationally, but I definitely don't like hearing men tell me to do what they think I ought to do.

The yoke of men tends to be heavy and hard, whereas when Jesus commands me to do something, He gives me the ability to do it. The Scripture says that His commandments are not burdensome. Paul says that in Christ, we overwhelmingly conquer because grace is given to each of us to do what God would have us do while on this earth.

Election

2010-08-07T07:36:00.000-07:00

For not all who are descended from Israel belong to Israel, and not all children of Abraham are his offspring, but "Through Isaac shall your offspring be named." This means that it is not the children of the flesh who are the children of God, but the children of the promise are counted as offspring. For this is what the promise said: "About this time next year I will return and Sarah shall have a son." And not only so, but also when Rebecca had conceived children by one man, our forefather Isaac, though they were not yet born and had done nothing either good or bad - in order that God's purpose of election might continue, not because of works but because of his call - she was told, "The older will serve the younger." As it is written, "Jacob I loved, but Esau I hated."

When you are born spiritually dead, you are just that. Spiritually dead.

You cannot accomplish any feat of spirituality. Jesus said, "No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him." and "You did not choose me, but I chose you." I cannot even repent and believe of my own accord. It is all a work of grace by God.

So then, the natural question would be, "If it's all up to God, why doesn't He just save everyone?" That was the question I asked when I first heard about election and I found absolutely no solace in the answer I received from Scripture...

"What shall we say then? Is there injustice on God's part? By no means! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion." So then it depends not on human will or exertion, but on God, who has mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh, "For this very purpose I have raised you up, that I might show my power in you, and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." So then he has mercy on whomever he wills, and he hardens whomever he wills. You will say to me then, "Why does he still find fault? For who can resist his will?"

Another answer from which there is no comfort for me...

"But who are you, O man, to answer back to God? Will what is molded say to it's molder, "Why have you made me like this?" Has the potter no right over the clay, to make out of the same lump one vessel for honored use and another for dishonorable use? What if God, desiring to show his wrath and to make known his power, has endured with much patience vessels of wrath prepared for destruction, in order to make known the riches of his glory for vessels of mercy which he has prepared beforehand for glory..."

But reading this, you would think God is cruel and doesn't allow someone to be saved who wants to be saved. But if you go back to the case of Pharaoh, Pharaohs heart was hardened and if you had said to him, "The reason you are not letting the Hebrews out of their slavery is because the God of the Hebrews has made it so." He would have said: "No. I am Pharaoh. I am sovereign and am doing what I want to do, so I have free will." And he would be right in saying he has free will, but he is only exercising the will that God gave him.

Look throughout the Old Testament and see the real-life stories that are symbols and shadows of Christ and tell me that God did not orchestrate all those events by working through human's wills.

UB40 - Swing Low Sweet Chariot

2010-08-06T19:28:00.000-07:00

Matisyahu - Jerusalem (Out Of Darkness Comes Light)

2010-08-06T19:25:00.000-07:00

2010-08-06T08:59:00.000-07:00

"I fell at His feet as a dead man."

2010-08-06T08:36:00.000-07:00

I want to go back to the time when I constantly spoke with God and sought for him, whether out of fear or obligation, to me, it's irrelevant. but I want so much to go back to the first year I was a believer, anxious and afraid though I was, I miss those special times when I was outside at night all by myself, praying, gazing at the stars, trembling before such a beautiful, terrible God.

The God I met at the first was a God with a violent passion against sin, so much so that he poured out his wrath against disobedience and wrongdoing on his own Son. The God with the apparent conflicted feelings of wrath and love. Wrath for the sin, love for the sinner.

I want to stand before the one true God, not a God I have made up in my own mind by my own theology. Who am I to think I can understand him and his ways? Why does God choose to save some and not others? I don't know! He doesn't give me an answer. He simply replies through His servant Paul, "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why have you made me like this?' "

I can't say I understand this God at all. Nor can I say He doesn't frighten me. He does.

I want to worship the God I met in the beginning. The one before whom I stood in awe and fear of. I don't want to create a God in my own mind who looks at sin with the attitude of "boys will be boys". I want the God of the Bible; the God of Jesus Christ.

Renovating the Mind

2010-08-05T12:53:00.000-07:00

For the past year I have been absolutely miserable. My Christianity seems a far cry from what it was the first year I became a believer, and I look back at that first year with n extreme longing for things to be the way they were before I committed myself to the message of the "Exchanged Life" or "Grace Walk". Though I believe I, myself, am to blame for my recent turmoil much more than the teachings I have been listening to the past two years.

I have seen things missing in the grace community, such as the exhortation for good works, renewing the mind with the words of God in the scriptures, constant prayer and vigilance and the need for endurance.

I have long since concluded, though I have been hesitant to speak boldly on it, that the idea that someone is once-saved-always-saved is a bit misleading. I agree to an extent, however, I do not agree that one may trust in Christ at a single moment in time and later, by persecution or what have you, renounce his faith in Christ and maintain his salvation. That is a lie.

The one who endures to the end will be saved.

The greek word for witness that is mentioned in Revelation is an interchangable word also meaning "martyr". One must never renounce his faith in His Savior and Lord; that would not be faith. Faith overcomes. Jesus said, "whoever loves his life loses it" and "whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me cannot be my disciple". A sincere faith requires sacrifice. Sacrificing this world for the next, and this life for the life of Christ.

I have sunk so low in the mire that God is now pulling me out of it by his power, giving me the desire to know truth from the scriptures. I've had it with books and what men tell me to do or not to do. By the grace and power of God, I will begin letting the Scriptures be my source for truth and the Holy Spirit as the revealer of truth.

I am sick of myself and others criticizing other Christians for petty differences. Jesus Christ DOES have commandments. He commands that we trust in Him and love each other just as He has loved us. This involves an act of the will on our part. We must be intentional in fanning into flame the gifts of God, keeping our minds rewnewed and encouraging one another on to love and good works. These things keep our heads way up the clouds where they ought to be.

I'm not so sure that one can be too heavenly minded and have no earthly use. If one's mind is constantly tuned into heaven, one has an easier time fighting temptation, submitting himself to Christ, and loving God with all his heart, soul, mind and strength.

We must be active. It's vital to our Christianity and our relationship with Christ. We must press on doing good, not growing weary. Definitely not from a desire to earn our salvation, but to keep up the transformation process and to have endurance.

Update

2010-05-20T15:56:00.000-07:00

As some of you know, I recently was re-hired back at West Marine, and, as some of you know, I was forced to quit a second time because of the damage it did to my leg, and due to the fact that I start college this August and I can't balance a full-time job with classes; especially waking up at 2:00 in the morning for work and working at least 11 hours a day.

I have a good friend, Ronnie, who is willing to let me do some intern work for his business, building websites. This will definitely help me out as I plan on taking classes for web programming this Fall.

I have an interview tomorrow with Dunkin Donuts that I'm hoping goes well. One reason being that I plan on getting a Macbook laptop, which I now have justification for buying since I am looking to make a career building webpages.

And please, don't try to give me any 'advice' on my career path or your bleak outlooks in starting a career in building websites. I'll delete your comments and pay no heed of them whatsoever. So leave me alone, smarty pants and allow me to learn for myself.

That's all for now. Ciao.

2010-02-07T07:43:00.000-08:00

I feel lonely and angry.

I'm tired of being by myself all of the time. I'm tired of being dependent on people, not knowing how the world works.

I'm tired of preachers who talk about nothing but behavior and what a 'true Christian' looks like. Have a dose of your own 'medicine'.

I hate Christian songs that remind me of all of the anxiety I went through just a few years ago as a believer. I hate songs that say "I will worship" or "I will do this and that". Then worship already and quit boasting about it.

I'm short and my balance is fragile. I don't think I will ever feel as though I am a man here on this earth.

I want to be selfish right now and I don't care.

I'm a Christian with a solid faith in Christ's finished work. That faith is constantly given to me as a gift by God, but I still get sad and angry and frustrated with this current life.

For the first few years as a Christian, I tried to change my behavior and even my personality, but I'm sick of all of the tweaking and correcting. I need to be loved as I am and not as I feel I should be. For too long I have believed that it was okay for others to receive unconditional love from God, but that it was selfish for me to believe in it. Allow me to indulge for just a while. I don't care if the world thinks I'm a bad Christian for it.

2010-02-02T12:42:00.000-08:00

I'm tired and distracted.

I'm worn out from an old mentality that is repulsive to me now. The thought of even trying to do anything is nauseating and tiresome.

I need a job. I need to take care of myself.

"Deliver me from sinking in the mire...

Let not the flood sweep over me,
or the deep swallow me up,
or the pit close its mouth over me.
Answer me, Yahweh, for your steadfast love is good; according to your abundant mercy, turn to me. Hide not your face from your son; for I am in distress; make haste to answer me."

2010-02-01T18:57:00.000-08:00

I'm not the person I imagine myself to be.

I feel so vulnerable and weak.
I don't know everything.
I don't know much at all.
I'm not all that wise.
I'm just a kid.

There are so many times I want my Father, but I run to broken cisterns.

It isn't a guilt thing. I just wish I always chose what I really and truly desired.

It's strange. Sometimes I desire my relationships here on earth so bad, but I also desire to be with Him.

I feel pulled apart at the moment. I'm just writing for the sake of saying how I feel.

Consider This

2010-01-11T13:04:00.001-08:00

"Take away the stone!"

"Unbind him and let him go!"

What It's Like

2010-01-09T17:29:00.000-08:00

A whole new world
A new fantastic point of view
No one to tell us no
Or where to go
Or say we're only dreaming

A whole new world
A dazzling place I never knew
But when I'm way up here
It's crystal clear
That now I'm in a whole new world with you

Unbelievable sights
Indescribable feeling
Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling through an endless diamond sky
A whole new world
Don't you dare close your eyes
A hundred thousand things to see
Hold your breath - it gets better
I'm like a shooting star
I've come so far
I can't go back to where I used to be

The Dubliners - Lord Of The Dance

2010-01-08T06:45:00.000-08:00

I danced in the morning when the world was begun I danced in the Moon & the Stars & the Sun I came down from Heaven & I danced on Earth At Bethlehem I had my birth:

Dance then, wherever you may be I am the Lord of the Dance, said He! And I'll lead you all, wherever you may be And I'll lead you all in the Dance, said He! (...lead you all in the Dance, said He!)

I danced for the scribe & the pharisee But they would not dance & they wouldn't follow me I danced for fishermen, for James & John They came with me & the Dance went on:

I danced on the Sabbath & I cured the lame The holy people said it was a shame! They whipped & they stripped & they hung me high And they left me there on a cross to die!

I danced on a Friday when the sky turned black It's hard to dance with the devil on your back They buried my body & they thought I'd gone But I am the Dance & I still go on!

They cut me down and I leapt up highI am the Life that'll never, never die!
I'll live in you if you'll live in Me -I am the Lord of the Dance, said He!

Relax.

2010-01-06T12:04:00.001-08:00

I used to think that God was very concerned with the cleanliness of my house. I believed I needed to clean EVERYDAY. I stressed out a lot if the house wasn't freshly cleaned.

I really don't think He is all that concerned with whether or not your house is spotless.

Do you ever feel stressed when the house isn't clean to your standards because you feel dirty? It could make me feel dirty and stressed because I felt like it was all falling apart. What would happen then!? What if it does fall apart? It will. You can be sure of that. Our homes and everything in them will pass away.

Ease your stress by realizing with full assurance that this earth is NOT your home! What a blessing! We are strangers and aliens! Pilgrims! We're just passing through!

Don't stress out too much about this place.

If you feel stressed because the dishes are not washed, the laundry is piling up, or whatever...just relax. Remember, you're an alien here. Don't get too comfortable here.

2010-01-05T10:23:00.000-08:00

He was despised and rejected by men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted with grief; and as one from whom men hide their faces he was despised, and we esteemed him not.
Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows; yet we esteemed him stricken, smitten by God, and afflicted. But he was wounded for our transgressions; he was crushed for our iniquities; upon him was the chastisement that brought us peace, and with his stripes we are healed. All we like sheep have gone astray; we have turned—every one—to his own way; and Yahweh has laid on him the iniquity of us all. (Isaiah 53)

new year vs New Creation

2009-12-31T12:26:00.001-08:00

I really don't understand all the enthusiasm about new years day.

I don't capitalize stuff I don't respect.

It seems in particular that Christians are very excited about it and it's "new beginnings." Ah. A chance to rededicate yourself? I guess instead of the yearly animal sacrifice, we make the yearly oath of trying harder, and year after year there is a continual reminder of sins.

Perhaps I am just being a Scrooge, but I get an agitated feeling when I hear of such things. Jesus Christ has already made you new. The resurrection of Christ is your new beginning. You don't get a new chance to try harder each year. You rest in the once for all sacrificial death of Jesus Christ. He has bought and paid for you, and the punishment that God put on Him was more than enough to satisfy His justice against sin.

It's okay to celebreate new years, but don't act like this new year marks another chance for you to, "be better for God." Good grief, did He not already make you righteous!? You would think the wrath and agony He bore would have satisfied your hunger and thirst for righteousness!

And if you speak of anything you have accomplished for God, speak only of the things which He has done through you.

Are you really ready to count all your righteous deeds as rubbish? Are you willing to stand before God as Abel did, with no fruit to bring, but only the blood of a lamb? Have you an honest, and sincere faith that clings to nothing but Christ alone? Anything else is a counterfeit faith.

Be honest; why are you really doing the things you are doing for God? Examine the foundation your works are built on and consider Paul's words concerning the zeal that comes from an effort to have God accept you.

"What shall we say, then? That Gentiles who did not pursue righteousness have attained it, that is, a righteousness that is by faith; but that Israel who pursued a law of righteousness did not succeed in reaching that law? Why? Because they did not pursue it by faith, but as if it were based on works. They have stumbled over the stumbling stone, as it is written,

"Behold, I am laying in Zion a stone of stumbling, and a rock of offense; and whoever believes in Him will not be put to shame."

Brothers, my heart's desire and prayer to God for them is that they may be saved. I bear them witness that they have a zeal for God, but not according to knowledge. For, being ignorant of the righteousness that comes from God, and seeking to establish their own, they did not submit to God's righteousness. For Christ is the end of the law for righteousness to everyone who believes."

You see? He created us zealous for good works, NOT in order to get Him to accept us, but BECAUSE we are accepted in the Beloved. From love and not fear.

"If you love Me, you will keep My commandments."

"...Where Moth and Rust Destroy"

2009-12-30T18:27:00.000-08:00

Listening to another Malcolm tape on Grace Walk Radio got me thinking about something that has been a cause of underlying stress for me.

"In the world we live in now, we are under more stress than at any other period in time."

Why? I say it because we are so totally dependent on man and man-made things. People wouldn't know how to take care of themselves if all power plants shut down, oil refineries ran out of oil, and supermarkets ran out of food.

I've been thinking about it and I realize how we are so dependent on the dollar. No one, especially in my generation, growing up, knows how to take care of themselves without man-made technology. They don't know how to build a home, start a fire, grow crops, raise animals, etc, etc. We rely on our electricity for heat, the grocery store for food, our lighter for fire, and our cars to get around in.

This is especially true for me. Even if I did know how to do these things, I wouldn't be able to. I am entirely dependent on God to provide for me. I can't walk for miles and miles if need be. Especially if this prosthetic broke down. I couldn't do farm work. I couldn't do anything without a prosthetic, and even with a prosthetic, I am limited.

I would ask you to refrain from the stupid, "You can do anything anyone else can" mumbo jumbo. Please. Try to understand what I'm saying. It doesn't make me feel better when you try to give me some disabled-olympian speech.

Anyway, I just feel that relief from this stress comes from understanding that God gives us grace to endure whatever will come, and that this earth is not our home. The things we own, whatever they may be, may look nice at the moment, but they will eventually perish. It's okay if you live in a trailer like me. It really is, because this is not my home, and though others may have amazingly cool mansions, those too will inevitably pass away and rot out. Whether you drive a Cadillac or a rusted clunker, it does not matter. This world is already fading.

What will it matter if I have nice clothes, a cool car, a mansion, or the latest technology when I die? It won't. It doesn't matter if you do have these things. Not at all. Just don't put any hope in them. Enjoy them in their proper place, knowing that they are passing away.

Relief from the stress of worrying about ourselves, what we will eat, wear, live in, etc. comes from understanding and being FULLY ASSURED of the hope we have in Christ alone.

Amen.

HeBrews Guilt-Free Christianity

2009-12-28T09:24:00.000-08:00

If you ever feel stressed out, burdened or just plain nauseous with your brand of Christianity, you probably ought to check it out and make sure it's au naturel.

Lately I am so angry lately and I honestly do NOT feel like feeling guilty anymore. I didn't sign up for a burdensome brand of Christianity, constantly feeling remorse and regret for all my imperfections. I am absolutely tired of evaluating my spiritual growth. It makes me nauseated to even think about it. I don't have the strength or the desire anymore.

I want that brand of Christianity Jesus talked about. You know, the one where anyone could join, regardless of their strength or willpower. That Christianity in which it's Covenant is based entirely on the unearned favor of God. That Christianity that is by grace through faith from the first moment I become a believer until the moment I breathe my last.

I want the easy yoke, and the light burden of Jesus. I don't just want to pretend that His commandments are not burdensome, but I want to actually experience the easiness of His yoke. I want to experience the power of the Holy Spirit and not my own re-dedications.

I want that guilt-free flavor Christianity that Hebrews speaks of, that because of the once-for-all sacrifice of Jesus Christ at the Cross, I should no longer have any conciousness of sins, nor should I feel guilty for them! He has vowed never to remember them again. He is faithful and just not to remember them because His Son took them already.

HE LOVES ME!!!

True Riches

2009-12-26T13:04:00.001-08:00

"Christians can truly enjoy luxuries because they do not depend on them for contentment." - A rough quote from Malcolm Smith

It makes me sick to think of how I used to covet so much of the worlds luxuries and technology before I was reunited with God. I get sick because I think of how I would look forward to every Christmas for the sheer benefit of gift-getting and when those gifts had been proven empty of any water for the spirit, I looked forward to the next luxury only to have the same thing happen. I would covet peoples possesions, feeling sorry for myself because I didn't have what they had and I thought that if I just had what they had, I would be content. But when I did get it, I would realize how quickly I grew bored and uninterested with it.

Christ brings us contentment with with much or with little because we no longer seek life in things, but we have found life in Him. As unbelievers, we lived as locusts, moving from thing to thing, sucking whatever we could get out of one thing and moving onto the next, never finding our fill.

You can have the priciest home, coolest car, craziest technology, but you will invevitably become bored and uninterested with each. Life is more than these things.

That being said, we Christians do not overcome this by sheer self-denial. Not at all! You know how I was able to quit smoking? It wasn't by effort, I swear to you. It was because I didn't need the cigarettes anymore! I had all I could ever want or hope for in Christ. That isn't to condemn or shame anyone who does smoke. God works different things into various parts of the Body. That is just an example of how Christians are able to live with or without.

We Christians have the greatest treasure of all in these jars of clay.

I'm Not The Super Christian You're Looking For

2009-12-26T09:32:00.001-08:00

You will have to excuse me as I have just been very angry for the past few months. I don't know why I have had such a short fuse and zero tolerance for people. It feels like every curse in the English language is rising up inside me, itching to make their way to my tongue.

I am irritated ALL the time and I want people to LEAVE me ALONE. I hate it when anyone asks me to do ANY thing right now. I am so exhausted of trying to be good that it makes me nauseous to even think of doing something born out of fear and guilt.

I am so SICK of people feeling as though because Matt is a Christian, he will do anything I ask him to do because it is his obligation if he wants to be a good little boy and go to heaven someday. I know that people across America heap guilt and condemnation on Christians because they can NEVER do enough to meet their own standards, but Shanaynay won't have it.

I am not Super Christian!!!!!! I am a jar of CLAY. If ANY thing good comes from me, it will be from the LORD.

Logging Out

2009-11-22T16:53:00.000-08:00

This may be my last post; I don't know.

All I can say is that I am frustrated and exhausted.

I have learned so much from everyone here and I love you all. I don't know if this is permanent, I just know that this transition to grace is more complicated than I originally thought.

If you would like to keep in touch, leave a comment with your e-mail address and I'll e-mail you my cell phone number. I just have to get away from the computer for a long time.

...End transmission....

Knowing Jesus

2009-11-21T10:23:00.000-08:00

I can't believe I never understood this before, but it dawned on me last night.

"Now Adam knew his wife..."

Whenever the Scripture speaks of sex, it uses the word 'know'. It also says that whenever one 'knows' a person, those two people are made into one. Paul said this has to do with Christ and the Church. The Church 'know' Jesus and become one Spirit with Him.

I wonder if this is the same sort of 'knowing' Jesus had in mind when He said, "Many will say to Me in that day, 'Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in Your name, cast out demons in Your name and done many mighty works in Your name?' And then I will declare to them, 'I never knew you; depart from me, you workers of lawlessness.' "

Who is lawless but the ones who have not had the Law written on their hearts and minds? And who are they but those devoid of the Spirit of Christ?

Together Forever

2009-11-20T15:36:00.000-08:00

I use to think God never knew what it was like to be me. After all, Jesus never had to deal with amputation. He never went through what I went through!

It's amazing that is no longer true. Every torture Christians have endured, every trial, every persecution, every hurt, every pain, every sin, whatever it is, Christ has been in them, going through it with them. Jesus feels my feelings and He is an amputee through me. He knows what it's like to wake up, roll on a freezing cold liner and feel the aggravation of relying on a made-made object that breaks down to keep Him walking on His feet.

He knows what it's like to have cancer, unbearable sciatic pain, He knows what it's like to be raped, He knows what it's like to be tortured, burned at the stake, decapitated, boiled in water, crucified upside down, thrown to lions, etc, etc, etc.

"Saul, Saul, why are you persecuting ME?"

"Truly, I say to you, whatever you did to the least of these, you have done it to Me."

We only ever refer to Christ's sufferings in the past, but what about those sufferings that He endures NOW in you? What kind of love is it that chooses to endure such things just to be with you?

Amazing...

Lincoln Brewster - Everlasting God

2009-11-18T15:21:00.000-08:00

Isaiah 35:3-10

2009-11-13T09:08:00.000-08:00

"Strengthen the weak hands, and make firm the feeble knees. Say to those who have an anxious heart, "Be strong; fear not! Behold, your God will come with vengeance, with the recompense of God. He will come and save you!" Then the eyes of the blind shall be opened, and the ears of the deaf unstopped; then the lame man leap like a deer, and the tongue of the mute sing for joy. For the waters break forth in the wilderness, and streams in the desert; the burning sand shall become a pool, and the thirsty ground springs of water; in the haunt of jackals, where they lie down, the grass shall become reeds and rushes.

And a highway shall be there, and it shall be called the Way of Holiness; the unclean shall not pass over it. It shall belong to those who walk on the Way; even if they are fools, they shall not go astray. No lion shall be there, nor shall any ravenous beast come up on it; they shall not be found there, but the redeemed shall walk there. And the ransomed of the Lord shall return and come to Zion with singing; everlasting joy shall be upon their heads; they shall obtain gladness and joy, and sorrow and sighing shall flee away."

A Friend

2009-11-11T07:55:00.000-08:00

The man to my right in this picture is Trey Maurice. He passed away sometime in his sleep last night. I wanted to post this in memory of him. Trey was always very kind to me and he is the man who gave me a little Siamese kitten shortly after this picture was taken, whom we later named Peaches.

This picture was taken at the Biltmore Estate in the summer of 2007.

"May the Lord grant him to find mercy from the Lord on that Day!"

Enya - Trains and Winter Rains

2009-11-07T05:49:00.001-08:00

Concerning Tapeworms and Man-Hair

2009-11-06T16:41:00.000-08:00

So, I had a great lunch with Jamie and Ryan today! It was so good to see them again and a little hard to believe it has been just over 1 whole year since we first met in person at the Olive Garden. Jamie has a tapeworm and Ryan has a phenomenal beard. I'm a sucker for beards. Every man should have one. I would if they were not so dang itchy. Shall I elaborate on Jamie's tapeworm? Nah... =P Suffice to say that she looks wonderful. She's so classy.

We chatted about all of our friends. Yeah, MAJOR gossip. =) And of course we talked about grace. How can we not? "We cannot help but speak of what we have seen and heard".

Lunch was DELICIOUS. Good grief, Ryan spoiled us. I had a grilled shrimp pasta that was delicioso! We also had Calamari, stuffed mushrooms and fried mozzarella for appetizers. Not to mention the salad and endless breadsticks. I took some home with me and had left-overs for dinner. Mom wanted some. I didn't give her any. It's our precious.

Jamie and Ryan mentioned moving eventually. Shall I suggest Rock Hill? Or maybe Charlotte? One can hope. :)

I always forget how much I love them and miss them when I see them again.

The love of Jesus drove 4 hours just to have lunch with me. :)

I just wish the rest of our friends could have been there with us. We love you all.

The Leaven of 'Balance'

2009-11-02T06:43:00.000-08:00

Why does it feel like night today?
Something in here's not right today.
Why am I so uptight today?
Paranoia's all I got left
I don't know what stressed me first
Or how the pressure was fed
But I know just what it feels like
To have a voice in the back of my head
Like a face that I hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time I lie
A face that laughs every time I fall
(And watches everything)

So I know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is hearing me
Right beneath my skin

It's like I'm paranoid lookin' over my back
It's like a whirlwind inside of my head
It's like I can't stop what I'm hearing within
It's like the face inside is right beneath my skin

I know I've got a face in me
Points out all my mistakes to me
You've got a face on the inside too and
Your paranoia's probably worse
I don't know what set me off first
But I know what I can't stand
Everybody acts like the fact of the matter is
I can't add up to what you can but

Everybody has a face that they hold inside
A face that awakes when I close my eyes
A face watches every time they lie
A face that laughs every time they fall
(And watches everything)

So you know that when it's time to sink or swim
That the face inside is watching you too
Right inside your skin

Linkin Park - Papercut

Flavius Josephus

2009-10-29T10:12:00.001-07:00

I checked out The Life and Works of Flavius Josephus to get more insight into Jesus' world and to catch a few mentions of Him.

I found this today:

"Now there was about this time Jesus, a wise man, if it be lawful to call him a man; for he was a doer of wonderful works, a teacher of such men as receive the truth with pleasure. He drew over to him both many of the Jews and many of the Gentiles. He was the Christ. And when Pilate, at the suggestion of the principal men amongst us, had condemned him to the cross, those that loved him at the first did not forsake him; for he appeared to them alive again the third day; as the divine prophets had foretold these and ten thousand other wonderful things concerning him. And the tribe of Christians, so named from him, are not extinct at this day."

His Workmanship

2009-10-24T19:04:00.000-07:00

For a while now I have understood the theory that our love for Christ is our motivation for godly living. In fact, I have to give up fear and embrace the assurance that the Gospel of Christ offers me. Fear is not the God-designed way of obedience, because, "fear involves punishment, and whoever fears is not made perfect in love." Outwardly, I can change due to fear, but inwardly nothing will ever change. The heart will remain dead and grow even colder over time. Trusting in oppression is folly.

Guys, I can't cause myself to love God. I have to have revelations of His love to me, personally. I can't thrive from mere comprehension of theory or someone elses revelations.

I feel like God is bringing me back to the place I was meant to be and He is showing me how real holiness and love come about.

God, I am totally dependent on You. You said that You love me and that You, Yourself would work in me to will and to do. You said that I am Your workmanship, so now I change my mind about working up obedience through constant anxiety and fear, and am willing to recognize, with humility, that it is only You. I can do absolutely nothing apart from the love of Christ abiding in me. My fruit is only for a season, Lord, but Your fruit is said to abide. Love never fails. Fear and condemnation eventually make the heart cold and distant. But love -- love endures forever. True love can never fail, because true love is from You.

I have understood for some time now that it is the love of Christ that controls us, but now I want the real, living love of Christ to control me rather than the theory of it.

I'm letting go and trusting You as I always should have. I cannot change one thing about myself. "Can the Ethiopian change his skin or the leopard his spots? Then you also do good who are accustomed to evil."

Love covers a multitude of sins. Father, in the history of Israel I have seen how long man's commitments last under fear of condemnation. Though they were threatened with even the worst consequences from You, they could not change one thing about themselves. Time and time again they failed. But where they failed, You will succeed.

You will become in me, rivers of Living Water.

A Whole New World

2009-10-21T19:32:00.000-07:00

To me, this is the perfect description of the grace awakening. Suddenly the cloud distorting God's face is removed and you see things from a heavenly view point.

Unity in Christ

2009-10-21T18:48:00.000-07:00

God gave me an amazing sense of freedom tonight as I met with two of my dear brothers in Christ, Don and Tony. God gave me the freedom to pray without trying to impress men and I was able to talk to just Him.

There is something different about praying with others, the same way there is something different about reading the Bible with others. There is intimacy and connection there as we are all communing with our Father. Though we obviously disagree on some things, we all have a common faith in Christ. Jesus unites us. His Blood has cleansed us and made us family.

Lazy Days

2009-10-20T11:52:00.001-07:00

Today is a very lazy day and I feel fat. I woke up, finished off my snickerdoodles that were sent to me from our dear sister, Jessica. Then mom began tenderizing a big piece of steak taken from a roast we bought two days ago, and cooked it for our breakfast. She's trying to get me fat, I swear. I acquiesced to eat it only because I didn't want her labor in tenderizing to be in vain. I'm still feeling the effects of it.

Right now it feels like I have much to do and no energy to do it with. I haven't felt like doing anything. (Perhaps due to the fact I've had cake for breakfast {and sometimes lunch} since my birthday?) I've been studying here and there for my math test on the 31st and have finished fractions. I'm hoping that knowing fractions will be enough to get me a passing grade, but I will keep on studying until the test.

Mom has fallen asleep watching that show "A Haunting" on Discovery. Such rubbish. Before I was a Christian, I was fascinated with those shows on ghosts and that sort of thing. But after becoming a Christian, I didn't notice it, but I lost all interest in ghosts and whatnot. It was like death had lost it's power and it's mystery over my life. The idea of humans staying on earth after death, reliving the same event over and over after they die is just absurd to me. Anyway, I wish she wouldn't fill her head with nonsense like that.

That's it. I just felt like writing a little.

...Hey, I am picking up my neighbor's CB through my headphones. Weird.

600th Post

2009-10-16T19:36:00.000-07:00

Watching The Polar Express has made me think of the first year I was a Christian. I was so in love with God, and I wanted Him, craved Him and sought Him, but could never quite get Him. He was always just out of reach due to my lukewarm performance. I thought that if I would just learn to get this Christian life down consistently, I would have Him. I thought that if I just faithfully, zealously, and with my whole heart, read my bible every day, prayed everyday and loved people enough, I would have that closeness with Him.

Sin was ever in my consciousness. I was afraid to hang around unbelievers for fear that I might get caught up in the moment and act like I used to. I tried so hard to get away from temptation, but the more zealously I tried, the more the desire rose up, despite my scrambling to keep it suppressed. The problem with that was that eventually, my flesh would tire of acting holy and would want to indulge in it's passions that were made stronger through the law I was putting myself under.

Go back and read my older blog posts in 2007. I'm sure there were times I masked it, but don't be fooled; the ever-present anxiety and dread always loomed. I would search and search for grace and grace alone, but every time I took hold of it, it pulled away from me. Or rather, something pulled me away from it. You see, whenever I was taught grace, the law followed soon afterward, thus shattering my hopes of a life where I was freely given a totally, unconditional peace with this God that I so longed for.

And then I did it. I actually did it. I sat at my computer, logged onto this blog, took a moment, and got brutally honest with myself, with no-holds-barred introspection. I didn't sugar coat one damn thing. Read here if you don't believe me. And then I did what I had previously considered rebellion. I jumped without warning. There was no thinking, I just did it. I refused to go any further in the direction I had been heading, which had been circles. I could go back to that time and honestly repeat the Scripture as so:

"...And Matthew believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness."

I did it! I got crazy enough to actually believe what God had told me and had been telling me. I embraced grace and grace alone, without one hint of law or fine print added.

It was all down-hill from there, right? Ah, I wish. But don't let that discourage you from leaping into the arms of Jesus. It is most definitely worth it.

But what I really had in mind when I sat down to write out this particular post was that after all of that, I still find myself wanting to go back to how it was before. To that place between dream and reality. The, "darkness before dawn" so-to-speak. It's not that it wasn't without it's good times. I really had some fond moments in trying to get to know God.

I guess being so introspective and fearful had given me a great awareness of God in the world, and now being free from condemnation and fear, I long for something to give me that same awareness of His Being. Am I making sense? Perhaps someone can relate, and if not, at least I believe God tried to get something across to me tonight in watching The Polar Express.

The kid, at the beginning of the movie, was hesitant about climbing aboard the free ride to the best place on earth for a kid: The North Pole.

As I watched that particular scene, I felt like God was trying to tell me that I'm being silly. He was apparently telling me how ridiculous it is to be in a place where you desire to behold the train with wonder, dreaming of what it would be like to go to the North Pole, more than you desire to actually BOARD the train and EXPERIENCE the North Pole.

Van Halen - Dreams

2009-10-16T17:48:00.000-07:00

I watched this video over and over when I experienced my grace awakening. It was when I abandoned everything and decided to stand naked before God, helpless, with nothing to offer but the Blood of Jesus. I remember e-mailing Joel very soon afterward and asking him, "Is it really this easy?" To which he replied, "Yep. It really is this easy."

Lee Strobel - The Case For Creator

2009-10-15T15:07:00.000-07:00

It's a little lengthy, but if you're interested how science actually disproves Darwinism and proves Creationism, then check it out.

Who Then Can Be Saved?

2009-10-15T07:48:00.000-07:00

Blessings for Obedience:

"Blessed shall you be in the city, and blessed shall you be in the field. Blessed shall be the fruit of your womb and the fruit of your ground and the fruit of your cattle, the increase of your herds and the young of your flock. Blessed shall you be in your basket and your kneading bowl. Blessed shall you be when you come in, and blessed shall you be when you go out."

"And the Lord will make you abound in prosperity, in the fruit of your womb and in the fruit of your livestock and in the fruit of your ground, within the land that the Lord swore to your fathers to give you. The Lord will open to you His good treasury, the heavens, to give the rain to your land in its season and to bless all the work of your hands. And you shall lend to many nations, but you shall not borrow. And the Lord will make you the head and not the tail, and you shall only go up and not down, if you obey the commandments of the Lord your God, which I command you today, being careful to do them, and if you do not turn aside from any of the words that I command you today, to the right hand or to the left, to go after other gods to serve them."

So, with words like these in the Old Covenant, what would be a natural thought towards someone who was rich inside the Jewish nation? Would you not think that they are rich and prosperous because of their obedience to God's commandments? Of course you would.

Yet Jesus begins to preach something radically different and seemingly contrary to the words God had previously spoken to Israel under the Law of Moses:

"But woe to you who are rich, for you have received your consolation. Woe to you who are full now, for you shall be hungry. Woe to you who laugh now, for you shall mourn and weep. Woe to you, when all people speak well of you, for so their fathers did to the false prophets."

Again, I ask you, what do you think the Jews thought of rich people in Jesus' day, being under a Covenant where you were blessed for your obedience to God's commandments? You would think rich people are the dedicated of the dedicated, the committed of the committed, the obedient of the obedient.

But read these words from the Gospel of Luke:

Jesus: "How difficult it is for those who have wealth to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich person to enter the kingdom of God."

Jews: Those who heard it were exceedingly astonished and said, "Who then can be saved?"

Jesus: But He said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God."

Seether - Remedy

2009-10-15T07:35:00.000-07:00

No More Red Shoe-Strings!

2009-10-14T17:58:00.000-07:00

Enya - Ebudae

2009-10-05T07:22:00.001-07:00

Walk By The Spirit

2009-10-04T10:09:00.000-07:00

All these sermons on rules, principles and behavior change are killing us! Jesus' voice is being drowned out by what men are telling us to do. We are setting aside intimacy with the Holy Spirit living in us, so we can listen to men tell us how to live, what to do, what's right and what's wrong.

This is utter nonsense! Stop listening to what men tell you so that you can learn to hear the gentle whisper of the Spirit! God has made His home in your very body. Talk about closeness! Talk about intimacy!

In the physical way that a man and woman have intimacy, that one comes inside another, and they are made into one body, so Jesus, by the Spirit has come into us and we have become one spirit with Him.

We are blinding ourselves from the realness of His Spirit living in us by insisting that we listen to men and follow their teachings, their ways of managing sin, their strategies, their techniques.

"They made kings, but not through Me. They set up princes, but I knew it not." (Hosea 8:4)

People have devoted their lives to setting up ministries, telling people how they ought to live rather than pointing them to the One who dwells in them. You can not live up to man's expectations. Their rules are heavy and burdensome and give you no provision for living up to the expectations they give to you, save the advice of, "Just try harder!"

I tell you, Jesus does not expect righteousness to come from you, which is precisely why He died for you. He died so that He could give you His righteousness instead. So let go of the ever-present anxiety and feelings of inadequecy. Of course you're inadequate! What did you expect? Don't you remember how you were saved to begin with? You were inadequate! You could not attain righteousness by the law and God turned the light on and revealed grace to you.

So rest in His gift and give up the circus act of guilt and false humility so that you can learn to hear His voice! As Joseph Prince rightly said, "God's voice is not on the frequency of condemnation." Nor is it on the frequency of what most would call, "conviction". Conviction is for the guilty, and you my friend are no longer guilty! You are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus. "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.

Well, I guess there is conviction, but it is not of your sin. It is of your righteousness in Christ.

Christ In You

2009-10-03T18:21:00.001-07:00

Do you ever feel the desire to love people, to walk in love and to live a holy life yet you're tired of trying because you know you can't, and you're tired of hearing people tell you how to do it? Even tired of hearing teachers who understand the message of Christ in you telling you how to work it out?

I am.

I want to love, but I can't. I don't know how this works and I don't want you to tell me right now. It's me and Jesus. I don't follow men, their strategies or what they say. I have listened to all the sermons. I know all the theology; all the grace jargon. Now I want the experience, and to have the experience, I have to be free to make stupid choices (over and 0ver) and learn from them. I have to be absolutely free to fall and get hurt. I have to be absolutely free to be immature. In order to learn to walk upright, I must by necessity be free from any and all condemnation. If I am not, then I will weep and mourn over and over for my sin instead of learning to live from Christ, who is my very life.

You see, I have always been one who needs to learn for himself. I have to figure this out myself...I can't let men make rules for me. This has GOT to be real. This has GOT to issue from MY intimacy with God and not someone else having intimacy with Him for me and then teach me what He taught them.

Jesus looked at Peter and said, "You follow ME". We tend to interpret that as though following Jesus would be more burdensome than following a man. Nothing could be further from the truth.
"Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy burdened, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke and learn from Me."

How interesting...I just took notice of Malcolm Smith's voice in the sermon I am listening to as I type this and he said the same thing I just did: "You can't live by what people tell you to do. You have to learn to live from the Christ in YOU."

Know God

2009-10-02T08:16:00.000-07:00

You can only grow in God's grace BY God's grace. Only God is able to move us onto maturity from works and law. Not that it isn't important for us to continue to soak in the truths of the New Covenant and what the sacrifice of Jesus changed about our relatioship with God.

If you're wondering whether or not you will ever make it out of that legalistic mindset that still has traces of Old Covenant imprinted on it, just continue to seek God's grace and seek truth. Growth comes without us knowing it until we stop to realize that we're actually doing it! We're maturing and growing in grace, learning to walk free from condemnation and fear!

Peter walked upright on the water only as long as his eyes were fixed on his Jesus. The storm was raging around him, but he wasn't conscious of it, therefore it didn't cause him to stumble and fall. He was God-conscious with his eyes set perfectly on the Author and Perfector of his faith.

Setting your eyes on Jesus alone will keep you from being tossed around by every wind of doctrine. But when a very strong wind comes and averts your gaze from Christ, and puts it back onto yourself and your own abilities, let's get real -- you can't do it. It is physically impossible to walk on water. "It is the Spirit who gives life, the flesh is of no avail."

It is only when we observe and gaze at the face of God in Christ Jesus when we experience growth and are matured into the people God has planned for us to be. Knowing God transforms us, contrary to the popular belief that getting busy for God is what transforms us. You cannot perfect yourself by the flesh, Galatians tells us.

Jesus told Martha, who was distracted with trying to serve Him, that only one thing was needed, and her sister, Mary chose it. Mary chose to sit at His feet and listen to His teaching while Martha was distracted from Him with much serving.

"And this is eternal life, that they may know You, the One True God, and Jesus Christ whom You have sent."

"When we see Him we'll be like Him. For we shall see Him as He is."

"But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed from one degree of glory to another."

To know God is to love Him. You cannot know Him and not love Him. Which is why John says that no one who hates his brother has the love of God abiding in him. Does the Scripture say that we love because we dedicate our lives to serving Him? No, but rather it says, "We love because He first loved us."

Paul speaks of unbelievers as those who are, "alienated in their minds" and "hostile in their understanding, doing evil deeds." They don't know Him. The god of this world has blinded their eyes so that they cannot see. (Ephesians 4:18-19)

Just get to know Him.

Daughtry - What About Now

2009-10-01T07:21:00.000-07:00

My friend, Jordan told me about this song and said he had heard God speak to him through it. I stopped to listen to it and thought it had a great message, very relevant to the doubts he is going through. I believe Jesus did indeed use this song to speak to him.

God uses our struggles with sins, our struggles with doubts, and all our trials in life to get what is inside, outside. It may not feel like it, but God is making you all that you were meant to be. Even though we don't understand what is going on, God is involved in our lives (for our good) and He will in no way leave us. He swore by an oath. He swore by Himself.

Malcolm Smith described God's oath as God saying, "May God strike God dead" if He does not remain faithful to His covenant of grace with us that is because of Jesus.

"Your sins are forgiven for His namesake."

...And Grace My Fears Relieved

2009-09-28T07:15:00.000-07:00

Getting your footing on the grounds of grace is scary. It hurts so much to come to the realization that I am not in control and I can not trust myself.

I don't know if Jesus was referring to the road of faith when he descirbed the narrow way that leads to life as being difficult.

I'm not allowed to control my behavior with condemnation. How can I when I am confronted with the fact that I am loved unconditionally? I am no longer under the law and therefore am no longer condemned. Understand that when I say I can't be condemned, I mean that a lot of times I would like to go back to law, but I can't. I just can't be afraid of God anymore. I know who He is.

Jonah KNEW who God was. He KNEW God's ways and that God was abounding in lovingkindness. That is why he didn't preach to the Gentiles. He knew God would love the people that Jondah thought were absolutely unlovable. He didn't want Him to love them. Jonah was not afraid of God...He ran from Him and talked back to Him: "Yes I do well to be angry! Angry enough to die!"

Even Cain, after he killed his brother, knew of God's lovingkindness and how it endures forever. After Cain killed his brother, Abel, God asks him what he's done, and he back sasses God with a smart attitude: "How should I know? Am I my brother's babysitter?" And how does God respond? By putting a seal on the murderer, protecting him!

I'm not saying Cain was saved since the Bible doesn't ever hint at him being saved. He tried to offer God fruit rather than the blood of a Lamb. I'm not saying he was saved, but I am saying God clearly demonstrated His true character of Agape by putting a seal of protection on someone who just murdered their own brother.

We have not received a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear. We have received the Spirit of adoption as sons. You are not a slave, but a son. You are not God's employee, you are His son. If God protected Cain, a faithless murderer, will He not much more protect you from the wrath to come?

Just Thinking Outloud

2009-09-27T15:43:00.000-07:00

Often I feel like "Who am I to call myself a Christian?" Ever feel like that?

I feel like I don't do enough and I'm not fanatic enough to be a Christian. I don't lay hands on people and pray. Actually, I never pray in front of people unless it's silent or someone else is praying. I'll pray for people, but not with them. It always feels as though I'm talking to them and not to God anyway.

I always feel like when I'm talking about Jesus, people are looking at me, thinking, "Is HE suppose to be a Christian? HA!"

A friend prayed for me today at Church. Her name is Rita, and she is so gentle and kind. She pressed her head against mine and sat there and prayed for something I've been struggling with lately. I wanted the boldness to do things like that...But I feel I'm just not ready. It didn't make me feel condemned or anything, but I do want to be free from the fear of people so as to just lay hands on people and pray when they need me to.

Daily Bible Reading

2009-09-26T11:59:00.000-07:00

Are we really obligated to read our Bibles every day? If so, why?

Well, in my honest opinion, I don't see why we urge and guilt people to read their Bibles every day. I know that sounds absolutely crazy, but I honestly don't see anywhere in the Bible where God says it is detrimental if we do not read it every day. In fact, I think it was something like 70-80% of the people in the early Church who were illiterate. Of course they were taught the Scriptures and had the Bible read to them by others, but they were not able to read it every day since they could not read.

I know we use the Scripture in Psalm 119:11 that we are to hide his word in our heart that we might not sin against him, but I wonder if that is not a prophesy of The Word (Christ) in our hearts. I don't want my relationship to be with the Bible, but with Christ Himself. The Logos, The Living Word of God.

So for me, I don't read my Bible every day. I do read my Bible and it is not wrong to do so every day, but if I am doing it in order for God to be pleased with me and think I'm a good boy, then I am being absolutely silly. We have God on the inside of us, guys! The written word should never take the place of the Living Word, Jesus Christ!

"You think that in the Scriptures are eternal life, but these are they which speak of Me. But you are not willing to come to Me that you may have life."

We have life on the inside of us, being Christians. The written word of God is precious since it tells us about Christ, but we should never prefer the Bible over it's Author.

God of Second Chance or Chances?

2009-09-25T16:36:00.000-07:00

Julie has posted a blog with some GREAT thoughts in it on the idea of grace being about God giving us more chances.

How Can I Keep From Singing?

2009-09-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

I was listening to Enya sing this song just now and I began to think of grace and when, and how it comes.

Grace comes to us when we do not deserve it. That is the meaning of grace. It comes when we have just committed the sin we never thought we would, or the the sin we have repeated over and over and have made vows never to do again.

In the past, when I sinned, I viewed God's face as hidden from me by the dark cloud of sin. But now, when I sin, I am shocked to lift my head and see the light of God's face shining intensely on me. Only the light does not expose my sin, but it shines through my flesh and exposes the righteousness inside that I have from Christ. He convicts me of my righteousness and urges me, even when I insist on self-flagellation, to receive His grace and love. He proposes to me the preposterous idea of continuing in my freedom from fear and guilt, and invites me to sit down and eat with him, taking no heed of the sin I just committed, but to continue to enjoy Him and feed off of Him.

He insists that over time, His love will begin to restrain me. If I just continue in His word, I will know Him and begin to be set free.

Even growth in grace comes by grace. I could never, in all my struggles, even begin to be set free from fear of condemnation. It is truly God who gives the growth.

Matisyahu - King Without A Crown

2009-09-19T17:38:00.000-07:00

I know, Matthew is into Judaism, but I listened to this song so much when I first got saved. Everything was so new and exciting. God was so new to me and so beautiful! I had never knew anything or anyone like Him before. I was still very immature in my thinking, but that didn't matter. I loved Him. I was drunk with love.

What was once new has now become, as Aida said, normal. It isn't always that exciting now, though one day it will be, when I see Him face-to-face.

I remember when I first got saved. For some reason the name Father came to my heart. No one taught me to call Him Father, I just did it because, well, I knew He was my Father now. I still remember telling my friend, Tony on the phone, "I call Him Father now!!" I still don't know if Tony understood what I meant, but the Spirit was witnessing with my spirit that I was now a child of God. My heart was crying out, "Daddy! Father!"

And so, this post is more of a sentimental thing between my Father and I. He remembers. This is one of our songs.

This is my witness. My love for God, my affection for Him is my witness to others. He gives us new hearts through faith in Jesus Christ. He cleanses our hearts from all evil and gives us the Spirit of His Son in our hearts.

Are We Free To Sin?

2009-09-18T17:44:00.001-07:00

Interesting question, don't you think?

Well, I'll get straight to it. In a sense we are free to sin, and in another sense, we aren't.

You see, we are no longer under the law, and where there is no law, the Bible says, there is no transgression. How can I be guilty of sin if I am not under the law? So then I could indeed use my freedom as an opportunity for the flesh. I can not out-sin the grace of God. Period. So, in a legal sense, I am free to sin.

But Paul also tells us something else in Romans chapter 6. He makes the point that since we have died with Christ, we have also been rasied with Him, in the spirit. He made us new creations by way of His death and resurrection. We, when we believed the Good News, were made dead to sin through His death, and were made alive to God through His resurrection. So now, in my spirit, I am (humanly speaking) a slave to righteousness. Whereas I used to be a slave to sin, I am now a slave of righteousness. So, in that sense, I am not free to sin because it is no longer my nature to sin. John says no one who abides in Him keeps on sinning because God's seed (Jesus) abides in him. Jesus destroys the works of the devil, we don't. It is not by our struggling and striving, but by His work. His seed abides in us and He causes us to walk in His ways. For a Christian to live in sin is like a fish out of water. It isn't natural, and sooner or later he is going to stop. Peter tells us that the Christian has been made a partaker of the Divine nature.

We, who were diseased trees before Christ came, naturally bore bad fruit. The root determined the fruit. Identity and result. I could not be a healthy tree by trying hard to bear good fruit. "A diseased tree cannot bear good fruit". But in Christ, I have been made a new tree; a healthy tree. And Jesus says of us, "A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit." Why? Because he is healthy! It's nothing to do with how hard he tries or a law he is under. It is his nature to do good.

So why not stop all the sin and behavior focused sermons and just proclaim the cross and resurrection of Jesus Christ, and what He has already accomplished!? You are a saint! There is no need to try hard to make yourself into someone you already are! Just rest and abide in Him! How do you abide in Him you ask? Well, how did you get in Him to begin with? By faith. Faith in what? In the finished work of the cross and resurrection! So how are you now to walk? The same way you were saved! Hello! "Having begun by the Spirit, are you now going to perfect yourself by your flesh?"

The law was part of an Old Covenant and what is old is passing away and has now become obsolete. And forget about "balancing" two covenants that are contrary to one another. The Old is obsolete. It isn't just an 'upgraded covenant'. It is a NEW Covenant.

Forgiveness By The Cross

2009-09-18T14:34:00.000-07:00

I often get frustrated when trying to get people to understand grace because I try to prove it to them by theological debate, desiring to show them that I am right and they are wrong. I believe this is the wrong way to approach people. I think we are to give them grace at their level. I don't mean they're dumber than we are, I just mean that we need to get to the heart of grace rather than trying to show them why grace is right and mixture isn't. Rather than trying to persuade them to accept that what I am saying is true, I need to recognize their need of grace and just give it to them.

Sometimes people don't need a well laid out argument for grace, though that does indeed have its place, but sometimes people just need to hear something as simple as, "God isn't mad at you." I need to see the heart of the person that I am speaking to rather than wondering how I can make them believe the truth about grace.

I guess my point is that we don't have to have the most persuasive arguments, though we do indeed need to be able to back up our claims with the Scripture, but we just need to get real with people and get to the point: The Cross of Jesus Christ has provided forgiveness of their sins once for all, not through their repentence or even their faith. Our faith doesn't forgive our sins, our faith receives our forgiveness. Forgiveness is already there. It has been here since the Cross, but now all we have to do is reach out and take it. So the message is simple: Return to God, He has redeemed you. You're forgiven! Take it while there is still time!

I do not deny the coming of judgment for unbelievers, but it won't be because they were not forgiven. It will be because they did not believe the Good News that was spoken to them, not because they sinned. No human being goes to be with the Father because they didn't sin. They go to be with Him only by the righteousness provided for them through Jesus Christ.

Your sins are taken away, they are removed, they are washed, and cast as far as the east is from the west. Jesus bore all the wrath of God against sin and no one will ever be judged because they sinned, but because they rejected the gift Jesus bought for them. They will go to hell because they insulted the Spirit of Grace, by counting the precious Blood of the Covenant as an unholy thing. They go because they sin willfully after receiving the knowledge of the truth. They persist in unbelief even after someone has proclaimed forgiveness to them through the Cross and through no merit of their own. For that hardness of heart there is no excuse.

It is bad enough to sin even after hearing God's law, but it is even worse to reject the free gift of forgiveness for that sin. Everyone who disobeyed the law of God died without mercy on the evidence of two or three witnesses. How much worse punishment do you think will be deserved by the one who has rejected God's own Son after everything He went through so that you could be brought back safely to God? It is the religious, not the filthiest sinner that will receive the harsher judgment.

The Bellamy Brothers - Let Your Love Flow

2009-09-16T20:03:00.001-07:00

Now That We're Christians, Do We Keep The Law?

2009-09-16T11:56:00.001-07:00

Well, do we?

To say that we do would be wrong. If I am still in any way in relationship to the law, then I am condemned by it and justly so.

But I, and many Christians have believed a widespread theology that because we have received the Spirit of God, He then enables us to keep the law. Nothing could be further from the truth! If I were still under the law, I could not be indwelt by the Spirit! But where there is no law, there is no transgression.

Malcolm Smith gave a great analogy as to how silly it is to put a Christian back under the law after being saved by grace. I don't remember the exact words he used, but I do remember the gist of the story.

Malcolm, growing up in the town he was from, didn't have electricity until he was a bit older, so they were forced to light their homes by candle light at night. But as things progressed little by little, the town he lived in eventually got electricity. Then one day, being at an elderly man's house, (who belonged to Malcolm's Church) he noticed the old man nodded toward his wife, telling her to turn on the electric lighting since it was beginning to get dark outside. And then after she turned on the lights, he began to light the candles that they had used before they got electricity, saying that it would be much easier to light the candles now that they had electricity.

The Old Covenant is said in the Bible to have had glory; it had a light. But now, Paul says, the glory of the New Covenant of grace much more surpasses the glory that the Old Covenant of law had. It would be silly to go back to the law (the Ten Commandments) now that you have God on the inside of you. You have the fulfillment of the law living on the inside of you! Why now do you retreat back to the law, believing it has some work yet to finish that God has not already finished?

The works that were to be done in order for God to be pleased with you were done by Jesus Christ. Jesus Christ fulfilled all the law and the prophets, and through faith, that same righteousness that He accomplished is now fulfilled in you.

Grace and Truth

2009-09-13T16:08:00.001-07:00

You know, I want to be free from this attitude of pride. Pride that I understand more about God than other Christians because they don't see Him the way I do. That isn't grace. I need to let go of that attitude completely.

I guess what has kept me from my own Church is fear. Fear that this message may not really be true, but that I am giving myself to it so that I have an excuse to be lazy. I know that isn't true, but I want to let those hurts and fears go. I want to forgive and show grace and love to those who just haven't received the revelation yet. I am no more spiritual or saved than my other brothers and sisters.

I pray that God would cause me to walk in freedom and love for my family in Christ. I'm sick of this cynical, proud attitude I get whenever I listen to another Christian speak. I just need to allow the Spirit to brush aside error, gracefully, in love.

I know we pick on the Pharisees and say Jesus rebuked them strongly, and I do believe there is a place for rebuke and correction, but I believe that for our brothers and sisters who don't "get it", we are to be kind and gentle with them. We are to love them and show them the grace that has been revealed to us.

I pray that none of us would be puffed up in our hearts against each other, but that we would speak the truth in love and sincerity of heart, fully assured that the grace we speak of is true.

A Clean Heart

2009-09-11T18:46:00.000-07:00

Believers need to understand what salvation really is! That God has killed the old person we were before Christ, not symbolically, but literally, and then He raised us from the dead and seated us with Christ in heaven. We don't need rules or principles or self-discipline!

God dealt with the heart of the matter, literally. In salvation, He gave us new hearts, not hard as stone, but soft as flesh.

Self-discipline is nothing more than a work of the flesh and sooner or later your flesh will get tired of trying to be good (out of pride) and will want to act like itself. Self-discipline only lasts a season!

You see, Christians believe they cannot trust themselves with freedom, because they believe they are still sinners at heart and therefore they renounce the freedom they have in Christ, and in doing so, they remain as children, never moving on to maturity! "O foolish Galatians!"

My point is this: You can trust your heart. It is no longer deceitful, but God has performed a spiritual surgery of the heart. Your heart is no longer filled with sin, but with light, righteousness, purity and self-control. The Holy Spirit brings you freedom from sin IN freedom! You are free to sin, but Christians are not sinners! They died to sin and came alive to God! So the fear of licenteousness because we are not under law has absolutely no basis!

You don't have to discipline yourself anymore. The Holy Spirit, from the inside, will produce self-control in you. You're free to stagger and stumble on your way towards learning to walk upright as a fully mature child of God. Your Father isn't frustrated with you when you fall. In fact, you're not seeing Him clearly if you see Him like that! He is full of delight with you as you learn to walk. He doesn't notice how many times you fall, but He takes notice of how many steps you make.

He coaches you, encourages you and strengthens you with His love. He never discourages you or rebukes you. He is never angry with you.

Hillsong - Bittersweet Symphony and Amazing Grace

2009-09-10T19:35:00.001-07:00

An Issue of Identity

2009-09-08T08:07:00.001-07:00

One thing that irks me when I listen to Christians speak on living the Christian life is this teaching that we must, "die to self."

In coming to further understand what the sacrifice of Jesus accomplished at the cross, I realize how silly this is to try and kill off the old sinful nature, or as Paul calls it, "old man."

It would be impossible for me to kill my spirit. And whats more impossible is for me to attempt to raise myself from the dead! So, what the law couldn't do, (make me a new creation) God did by sending Jesus.

Salvation doesn't only mean forgiveness of sins. It also means that Jesus, in Himself, kills the old man who is alive to sin. So the question of us (believers in Christ) sinning because we are no longer under the law is absolutely silly! That old sinner that we used to be is dead! And furthermore, God made us alive to Himself by raising our spirit from the dead when He raised Christ from the dead. We were baptized, not into water, but into Jesus' death. And we were raised, not from water, but from the tomb. So Jesus' death was our death. His resurrection from the dead is our resurrection from the dead.

So you see, it isn't that we must "die to self". We don't need to be killed again; we simply recognize that it has already happened in Christ. We don't try to attain some experience of dying. Jesus experienced death for us. His death was our death, and furthermore, we don't try to raise ourselves from the dead; we recognize it has already been done when we believed on Christ.

You are a new creation. You are alive, not dead. It is the dead who will be judged by what is written in the books, and it is the dead whose names are not written in the book of life.

Have you ever wondered how God could let a "forgiven sinner" into His heaven? Sinners do not go to heaven, but they are reserved for wrath. Not by their works, but by their very nature. (Ephesians 2:3)

A sinner cannot produce good. Likewise, a saint cannot produce evil.

Let's say sinners are apple trees and saints are grape vines. Apple trees cannot produce grapes. Why? Because they are not grape vines, but apple trees. Their nature determines their fruit.

Unspiritual?

2009-09-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel unspiritual? By that, I mean do you ever feel as though you have lost your witness as a Christian because you have stopped doing everything someone asks you to do in an effort not to feel guilty?

I may not be explaining myself well. Lately the thought crossed my mind that I am no witness for Christ because my lack of ...busyness? I don't attend our Church on Sundays anymore and I've become more relaxed in my thinking, my conversation and my doing. Sometimes when someone aks me to do something, I say no. And sometimes I get irritable when asked to do something. And I don't preach the Gospel and talk about God all the time to people.

I think these feelings are nothing but nonsense and I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and continue to bathe in God's presence. But will people see that I love Him if I am not busy trying to serve and influence? I suspect so.

I just want to exude an air of peace and joy and of being in love with my God. But I refuse to try and imitate that, only to give the impression that I have peace, joy and love. I want it to be real. I'm sick of masks, facades, and being a "connoisseur of moods".

Madonna - Borderline

2009-09-06T16:46:00.000-07:00

People have often pushed my love to it's borderline. I can't love them like they need to be loved, but I can point them to the One who can. His love has no borderline.

Above All Rule and Authority

2009-09-06T14:01:00.000-07:00

Since believing the Gospel of Jesus Christ, I must admit I have lost my fear of hell. When I see or hear people preaching about the wrath of God coming against sinners, I no longer tremble. Since believing, I have begun to see a God who loves me, who sings over me and who delights in me and coaches me in my identity and encourages me towards living righteously since I am a righteous being.

I still get a heavy heart when I think unbelievers, especially those whom I love, going to hell. Hell exists and I do not deny it. But I can't be afraid of it anymore. I understand what the finished work of Jesus did for me. It is a finished work. I'm seated with Him, far above all rule and authority and any who would judge me or accuse me. My accuser has been thrown down once for all, because He canceled the record of debt that stood against me with its legal demands. He set it aside and nailed it to the Cross. He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in Himself.

I know Whom I have trusted and I believe with full assurance He will guard me from the wrath of God that will come in the end.

"Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved."

Michael W. Smith - When I Think of You

2009-09-05T16:02:00.001-07:00

For Carol

2009-09-03T14:03:00.000-07:00

Hey guys,

If anyone of you have ever been to Bino's blog, you might have seen a guy posting by the name of Ike in the comments section. Well, his wife, Carol has cancer and she is in desperate need of financial help. While I don't have a job at the moment, I will offer what I can, and pray and pass this link on so that anyone who is led may donate as much as they will and offer prayers.

Here is the link to donate. This is Ike's son's blog.

Even a dollar is significant.