No Turning Back

It is possible, very possible, as Joel mentioned in a recent re-post of his older blogs, to completely understand what the Cross of our Lord Jesus Christ did and still avoid God or try and keep him at a distance.

Some things that keep me from his presence.

1. The first and main reason I avoid him is because I want to make a habit of prayer and intimacy with my Father, yet I feel like whats the use? I won't be consistent. I want so much to, not to please him, but rather to please me. I love prayer and and fellowshipping with him.

2. Another reason is I am afraid that if I approach him boldly and enjoy him without first proving myself, I will sin without a care.

3. That he will want me to change something about myself that I am not ready to change. I am afraid of going back to the exhausting, critical mind that judges everything I do. And so I avoid him.

And one other reason -- actually I like this one: He scares me. But in a good way.

I know that he is holy and righteous and hates sin. And I personally adore that about him. I can't worship a God who doesn't despise sin and looks at it with an attitude of, "boys will be boys". I love his holiness. His uniqueness, his...seperatedness. I love how big he is. But it also causes me to hesitate to approach him sometimes.

Sometimes I actually desire to return to the state of mind I used to have of God. Because if I am honest, it gave me immediate results. But even if I tried, I honestly couldn't go back. I understand the finality of the Cross now. It's impossible to go back.