'Round And 'Round The Mulberry Bush

You know, more often than not, I can easily catch myself in hypocrisy.

Just today I was going to post a blog entry about Universalism, New Age and how much I despise those beliefs. I was going to make the comment about how Oprah likes to quote scriptures from the Bible, but ignores things like the gospel and that there are none righteous, not even one. Then I realized how I still shy away from books like James, 1 and 2nd Peter, parts of Revelation and parts of other books because they seem to contradict the gospel. I know it's simply my lack of understanding, but I've yet to understand a lot of those things and I get scared when I read certain passages. This happened in Hebrews very often before I understood grace and the New Covenant. Now I love Hebrews. It always makes me very confident in the gospel.

But there are parts where I intentionally avoid because I feel I don't understand them or am not ready for them. I used to make myself read everything because I felt that I had to have all my theological pieces in order so that I could be a good Christian. But now I'm starting from the Gospel. Pure Gospel.

I worry at times because I can't love people the way I want and I can't surrender completely to God and love Him as much as I want to. Maybe it's a part of the "slow cooking" process. But I want to go higher and higher in love, faith and hope. I want to explode into the air, flying in the Spirit, loving God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. But I find it difficult to understand and grasp God's love. I also have difficulty slowing myself down to meditate on Him.

"Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more."

Glory to God in the highest for His steadfast, unwavering love and grace. Glory to Him because He is God and there is no other. I wish I could love Him like He deserves to be loved.

Craving God

It can be very difficult at times to be in love with God. There are intense moments where I can't find anything on earth to satisfy this craving I have inside of me for God. I try to think of things to do in order to experience Him tangibly. I can't think of anything to numb the craving or satisfy it. I understand C.S. Lewis' saying that if we desire something that this world doesn't offer us, obviously we are not of this world.

I find it much more fulfilling if I simply rest in Him. But slowing myself down in order to soak in Him is a job. I want everything at once. In my inner being, I am eagerly waiting for Jesus to return.

"What no eye has seen, nor ear heard, nor the heart of man imagined, what God has prepared for those who love Him".

How much longer must we wait!?