I'm taking a serious detox from the people and teachings I listened to. From them, I learned so much nonsense and lost that first love I had for Christ.

I feel like they stole it from me with all the stupid, contradicting messages I listened to.

They made God extremely unlikable and unrealistic.

I don't need them to tell me what He is like.

"They shall all know me, from the least of them to the greatest."

I'm sick of properly dressed, type A personalities who hold your imperfection in the light, cracking the whip, burdening you to be better, more organized, more productive, more efficient in your evangelism, more consistent in your spiritual disciplines.

I wanna bleed all of it out and experience the real Christ and his real message.

Here I am, still making horrible choices, treating people like garbage, and I don't feel the strength to stop.

I still hate in my heart, I lust, and I fear other men. My mind is still set on this world.

The thing is, I don't feel guilty anymore.

I just want out of this mess.

I want to be free again.