Saturday, December 26, 2009

I'm Not The Super Christian You're Looking For

You will have to excuse me as I have just been very angry for the past few months. I don't know why I have had such a short fuse and zero tolerance for people. It feels like every curse in the English language is rising up inside me, itching to make their way to my tongue.

I am irritated ALL the time and I want people to LEAVE me ALONE. I hate it when anyone asks me to do ANY thing right now. I am so exhausted of trying to be good that it makes me nauseous to even think of doing something born out of fear and guilt.

I am so SICK of people feeling as though because Matt is a Christian, he will do anything I ask him to do because it is his obligation if he wants to be a good little boy and go to heaven someday. I know that people across America heap guilt and condemnation on Christians because they can NEVER do enough to meet their own standards, but Shanaynay won't have it.

I am not Super Christian!!!!!! I am a jar of CLAY. If ANY thing good comes from me, it will be from the LORD.


The Lewis Family said...

On the bright side you are super and you are a christian. Ah ha ha ha. Btw, will you tie my shoes, since you are a christian and all. . . Okay, okay, I will stop now. I am kinda curious as to what you are being asked to do, but I suppose that's just nosiness on my part. . . I hope in spite of all this Christian service nonsense going on in your life that you are had a decent Christmas celebration (mine was a little boring as we were too broke - and Dan not so inlined - to visit folks and friends on the Island) .Kinda lonely, but hey, I have my kids and D and fun arguments on facebook. . .

I was actually feeling invigorated from the these facebook discussions last night and I went downstairs to turn off the telly and on it was ominous sounding music and a pic of bats in a cave and a man droning on about vampires. It thought to my self that that was rather ironic as I was feeling more alive then than I have for some time. and I though about how vampires are known to suck blood (the life is in the blood. . .). And I realized that I have been feeling like life has been sucked out of me. Aka drained. There have been a few vampires about trying to suck life out of us folk. . . But it's nonsense and it will pass. I like it when it passes!!!

Much love to you old fella

sparrow girl said...

" makes me nauseous to even think of doing something born out of fear and guilt."
I could really identify with this statement...

Jamie said...

Good one, Boo baby. Hmmmm, ya think that's why we have this Treasure in earthen vessels? So that it's about HIM not us?!? Never, ever, ever??? :)

And I think Christians are allowed to say, NO, BTW.

Joel Brueseke said...

Amen bro and sis's.

One of the reasons I had to get the heckfire (a Groundhog Day term... lol) out of my church is for similar reasons to what you're talking about here. Lots of 'nice' people and all, but such pressure to be "Doin' the Stuff" (the church's worldwide motto) all the time. I often had a lot of anger and frustration while listening to the sermons, and while in small group settings. I began to breathe again as soon as I made the decision that I wouldn't be "going" there anymore.

"For I will not dare to speak of any of those things which Christ has not accomplished through me, in word and deed..."

Matthew Campbell said...

Thanks everyone for your comments.

Becca, I totally relate to the feeling of having the life sucked from you right now. I couldn't tell you why, but I think it's okay to be this way. I think it's where God wants us.


Teach me to say no? I really like that idea you have there! LOL! :)

Joel, I totally get you, bro. I have thought about going to church and have at times felt anxious that I was not getting much fellowship, but I feel it's okay right now. I feel like I need to "withdraw to a desolate place" and have my own relationship with God without people telling me how it works.

I LOVE that last verse you quoted.