I realize I struggle with grace. lol. It's not that funny, but I love grace and hate it at the same time. I get it, then lose it.
I've replayed a scene in the movie "Hook" over and over. Robin Williams, who plays Peter Pan, gets his 'happy thought', laughs, and starts to fly. Then he stops laughing, and in an "oh crap" sort of tone says: "I lost it" and then starts to fall.
Faith in grace, I think, is when it doesn't even make sense to you and you plunge into it anyway. It's the attitude that says, "screw it", and jumps. Believing Jesus loves me regardless of anything I think, feel, do or say is the toughest leap of faith. This is what it means to believe. To give up being good and to seek Jesus. I don't mean we live sinful lives. I mean we quit worrying about sin, and put our trust in Jesus. To do this, you have to die to the law completely. The law will nullify your attempts at faith in Jesus. I've had it happen over and over again.
Everything in your mind will tell you to focus on your behavior and try to point out everything thats going wrong inside of you and outside of you. The law will continue to bring to your mind more and more failures. That's all it can and will do.
When Jesus talked about not letting your right hand know what your left hand is doing, I think He may have also meant not to even acknowledge your behavior, whether good or bad.
I also realized that when Jesus said, "You will know them by their fruits", He didn't say, "You will know them by their behavior." He said fruit. Fruit is natural. Good trees bear good fruit. It's simple. Bad trees bear bad fruit. You can live under the law all you want, but Jesus is the only good tree that bears good fruit. Without Jesus, you can't do anything. You will only bear fruit for death under the law.