Days have been slow lately. I'm still sort of in this "feeling around" mode in my walk. I tell you, it's a struggle to live humble. Sometimes I feel the desire to make myself worthy and to show others how holy and loving I am. Don't get me wrong, I do want to be loving, but definitely not with a religious agenda or self-righteous motivation.
Submitting to God's righteousness doesn't always feel like the right thing to do. There are times when all my understanding tells me that I need to do righteous things in order to be righteous. I must love perfectly, I must work on my behavior, I must, I must, I must! Besides...I know how much I irritate myself, so how much more irritated is God!? How can He possibly love me or even like me when I fail constantly? It doesn't make sense to me. Why does He like me and want to be with me? I don't understand it. I really don't. I know theologically that God loves me unconditionally and that He loves me not because I am lovely but because He is love. That still doesn't register with my brain. It fails to compute. "System failure."
Perhaps what hinders us from receiving God's love and favor for us in Christ Jesus comes from a constant focus on behavior? Am I changing here? What am I doing now? What will I be doing tomorrow? Wheres the fruit of the Spirit? That wasn't so hospitable and kind...Constant nagging at myself hinders me from enjoying God's love for me. Forgetting that my righteousness and my loveliness doesn't come from myself but from Christ. I am His beloved son because Christ is His beloved Son and gave me His own belovedness. This tends not to sit well with my flesh.
Brothers and sisters...You are righteous and lovable because Jesus has blessed you with His very own loveliness. "But how can I possibly be made righteous when I don't do anything righteous!?" Well, how can Jesus, who never sinned be made sin for us? God is just, but He isn't fair. Grace is a scandal. Get over it.