In Christ, I know I am absolutely free of any condemnation.
However, my behavior matters to me possibly more than it did before relying on Jesus. Reason being, I am able to grasp the reason for morality and kind words. Previously, living under a taskmaster of my own creation, the rules were something I obeyed without questions or the need for explanation.
Grace opened my eyes to the world, in a sense. That did not, unfortunately, make it easier to practice morality. To the contrary... I was freed to reason and make my own choices.
While speaking with a friend a few weeks ago, he diagnosed my issue with extraordinary ease. He told me I was too well acquainted and reliant upon boundaries. Too often I have counted on my boundaries to keep me safe from harm, so much so that I have scarcely exercised my ability to make choices. Those muscles have long since become atrophied.
I take encouragement in my dissatisfaction and I know freedom will come eventually, albeit with a considerable amount of difficulty.