My mind is so much busier than it was when I was a newborn Christian. I have a lot more responsibilities than I did then. It was so much easier when I was 19, unemployed, had no bills to pay, and zero obligations.
It's a struggle to keep my mind on the Lord now. It was so much easier when there was no stress! I grieve when I remember the days I first knew the Lord. Everything was so new and exciting. It was like being in some dream.
It feels so far away now. Daily interactions with people are so exhausting that, on my weekends, I choose to stay completely secluded the entire duration.
I feel crowded, overrun, and pressured. I'm imprisoned by sin (the power) and the cares that ceaselessly pelt at my mind.
I wish I could throw it all away and live as a monk.
I don't care about making a ton of money. I don't care about having some silly education. I don't care about being smart or clever. I just want out of this, and I want the easy way out. You know, like winning a lottery, quitting my job, and living in a small house in some quiet place.