He Makes All Things New

Well, I went through 2016 without a single post.

I'm writing not so much because my former blogging community is still around to read, but more for my own sake.

Life has changed a lot in the ten years it's been since I started this blog. The recent years have brought me a lot of reasons to be intentional about nurturing my faith. I've grown extremely tired of worrying and having that old feeling of impending doom which is especially strong at night - that's how it was before I knew Christ. After Christ, nights were the best time for me to walk around outside, praying and meditating on God. Some of my best memories are of laying on top of my mom's silver Jeep Cherokee, staring at the stars, listening to my iPod, and contemplating this incredible new love that I'd acquired out of nowhere.

Sin and worry are not worth the price you pay. Focusing on worldly things is hilariously tragic. Scrambling to fortify yourself against potential accidents, losing someone, pain, health problems, car problems, home repairs, etc is overwhelming if you don't have God.

I honestly do not know how people who don't have Christ do it and stay sane. A few months ago, I had my first and only panic attack while home alone. While I was eating I experienced this sudden, irrational fear of choking on my food and it felt like I was losing all control over myself.

Conversely, when I am intentional about focusing my mind on Christ and trusting Him for absolutely everything, I get my peace back. One day, He will return to pick me up or I will die and all of this will seem like some silly dream I had a long, long time ago.

I look forward to that Day. I have no idea what a carefree, painless, sinless world looks like, but I trust it's coming.

Imagine all pain and discomfort vanishing in a split second. All worry, all anxiety, all stress, all weakness melts away immediately like it never existed.

For now, I set my mind on Christ and look forward to that. In Christ, I can experience a taste of what is to come.

Grace for Life

Where is grace in day-to-day life? Where can you look to find it? Grace for salvation is easy to be seen once a believer has settled it in his or her heart to trust in it, but grace for everyday problems feels elusive, always needing to be tracked down and pursued through quiet contemplation and simple trust. I still feel all the stress, the burdens of a host of anxieties if I do not recognize who God is and what He is like. Close attention must be paid to Him if I want to be awakened to grace for life and experience the joys and thrills of His grace. That's it! That is what the Christian life is! Joys and thrills in the midst of a stupid, stupid world.

In recent news, I've moved into my new home - it's okay for my first home, but I would like to move back to my old neighborhood in a few years.

Right now I'm just sitting at my desk listening to Nat King Cole's Christmas album on iTunes.

These are some of my favorite lyrics to one of my favorite Christmas songs:

Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth

Born to give them second birth

Katy Perry - Unconditionally

This morning before work, I was listening to this amazing song and reading from one of my favorite chapters in Isaiah.

“Sing, O barren,
You who have not borne!
Break forth into singing, and cry aloud,
You who have not labored with child!
For more are the children of the desolate
Than the children of the married woman,” says the Lord.
“Enlarge the place of your tent,
And let them stretch out the curtains of your dwellings;
Do not spare;
Lengthen your cords,
And strengthen your stakes.
For you shall expand to the right and to the left,
And your descendants will inherit the nations,
And make the desolate cities inhabited.

“Do not fear, for you will not be ashamed;
Neither be disgraced, for you will not be put to shame;
For you will forget the shame of your youth,
And will not remember the reproach of your widowhood anymore.
For your Maker is your husband,
The Lord of hosts is His name;
And your Redeemer is the Holy One of Israel;
He is called the God of the whole earth.
For the Lord has called you
Like a woman forsaken and grieved in spirit,
Like a youthful wife when you were refused,”
Says your God.
“For a mere moment I have forsaken you,
But with great mercies I will gather you.
With a little wrath I hid My face from you for a moment;
But with everlasting kindness I will have mercy on you,”
Says the Lord, your Redeemer.

“For this is like the waters of Noah to Me;
For as I have sworn
That the waters of Noah would no longer cover the earth,
So have I sworn
That I would not be angry with you, nor rebuke you.
For the mountains shall depart
And the hills be removed,
But My kindness shall not depart from you,
Nor shall My covenant of peace be removed,”
Says the Lord, who has mercy on you.

“O you afflicted one,
Tossed with tempest, and not comforted,
Behold, I will lay your stones with colorful gems,
And lay your foundations with sapphires.
I will make your pinnacles of rubies,
Your gates of crystal,
And all your walls of precious stones.
All your children shall be taught by the Lord,
And great shall be the peace of your children.
In righteousness you shall be established;
You shall be far from oppression, for you shall not fear;
And from terror, for it shall not come near you.
Indeed they shall surely assemble, but not because of Me.
Whoever assembles against you shall fall for your sake. - Isaiah 54:1-15

This gives me hope that one day God will rescue me from this 5 year slump. It's hard to believe I've been entangled in this mess that long. But my God, my Father, promises me that I will be free and will forget this shame. One day I'll see His face again and all of this will be "brushed aside like an unwanted cobweb".

Jesus and Freedom

I was listening to a YouTube video the other day of a guy speaking on freedom from sin.

One sentence in particular spoke volumes to me:

"Do NOT seek freedom (from sin); seek Jesus instead."

Wow! You know, it's never about resolve or law-keeping; it is always about setting your mind on God.

"You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You."

We need to look for the Cause rather than the effect.

In fact, you could say that looking for freedom is the core issue with the law-keepers. They are searching for the effects of union with God rather than searching for God, and because of this, they never experience the union, thus never experiencing the fruit of the union. The law-keepers basically want to have children without first having a "union" with their partner. Not possible.

Know, Thyself.

You can't let people, no matter who they are, fashion for you an image of God. He is someone you have to see for yourself before you can fall nauseatingly in love with Him. Prior to my conversion to Christ, I hated church and Christianity all together. I let the country-style hymns, stained glass windows, and endless sermons on good behavior create for me an image of God. In the late winter or early spring of 2006, for whatever reason, I found myself sitting alone in my room, thinking. Thinking about God and heaven. What were they really like? There was no call for me from a preacher to come down the aisle and no resolve to dedicate myself or turn a new leaf over on life and begin to live as a good person (In that, I have failed miserably). Rather, for the first time, I thought of God in a new light. I really can't describe my train of thought at that time other than having the sudden idea that maybe God is something so much higher than what I had seen in church or from church-goers.

God will hold each person accountable for what they believe. You can't claim ignorance or play the victim of false or misleading teaching (though people who teach falsely will bear their own judgement). It will be every man's own fault for what he or she has allowed to shape their view of God.

If I could just get every man and woman to sit and to think for themselves for once in his or her life, I could convert millions. It doesn't matter so much as what I say but Who I point you towards. As Morpheus told Neo, "I can only show you the door; you're the one who has to walk through it." It's fitting in this case that Jesus refers to Himself in the Gospel of John as "The Door".

I don't think there is a man or woman, alive or dead, who, when presented with God in His true form, would not fall utterly in love with Him.

Two Options

I lament of my behavior quite often, but today is one of those days I came to myself. I am not esteemed by the Lord for my behavior, but by my faith.

Faith in Christ is the one and only thing you have as a believer that separates you from those outside. It's what God admires and loves about you; it's what pleases Him about you. He doesn't regard you according to your performance, but your faith. Faith is all you have, so be person of impeccable faith. Your behavior and your mood will rise and fall in this life. That is why the promise of eternal life is not granted to you through the currency of good behavior and generosity, but is freely given through placing your trust in Christ.

Mankind has two options with God:

1. Being a law-man

or

2. Being a faith-man

The law-man lives a life of ceaseless labor and doubt. You could say his good behavior locks him out from the kingdom. He lives only to glorify himself, while the person of faith lives to glorify God in Christ. And more than that...he also receives glory from God. Why? Because he dared to take the risk of escaping hell through something that seems like utter folly to the natural mind: simple trust.

Faith is the only obedience you have that merits anything with God.

Being Dead Feels Great

Having read about half of Ralph Harris' book, "God's Astounding Opinion of You", I've been reminded of truths I already knew, and have also been able to view already familiar scriptures in a new light. The chapter that Ralph used to give me new insight was the very beginning of Romans 7. Paul, in this letter is addressing both Jew and Gentile within one assembly and then speaks directly to the Jews who knew the law:

"Or do you not know, brothers...for I am speaking to those who know the law...that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives?"

This simple verse amazed me. It's so simple that I can't believe I've overlooked it in the past. Or maybe I knew it before but had forgotten. Or...it could be I knew it and still required further persuasion from the scriptures to really believe it.

The law only has power over me if I am alive. If I die, the law ceases to mean anything to me because I'm dead. What use has the law in condemning a dead man? Paul says this is literally true for the Christian. The Christian literally died with Christ on that cross so that the law could no longer have a right to judge him.

It apparently pleases God to make it so that I do not have to keep the commandments. It pleased Him! If it were not pleasing to Him, He would not have done it. What!? Are you advocating my sin, God!? Nope. He's advocating ME.

It pleases God that I don't need to worry about being good anymore. It pleases Him that He doesn't need to worry about me being good anymore. He did this so that He could have a relationship with me. If I were under the law, even just a little, so that I could try to be somewhat good, He could not justly allow me to partake of Him.

This seems so irresponsible of God. You're going to make me free? ME? I think you may be a bit too trusting, God. I'm liable to tear this place apart. But apparently it's not as big a concern to Him as it is to me. Why? Because He has already dealt with sin and judgement.

Up until now, I would shun well-intended encouragement from other Christians who would tell me "God's not as concerned about your sin as you think." This was an offense to me. Of course He is! I thought this was just some way to lie, to make me feel better and give an excuse to my sin. Now I understand what they mean. It's God's desire not to hold my sins against me. He enjoys it because that means I can be entirely devoted to Him without the fear of being cast off.

This may not be a big revelation to you, but it was to me. And it's good for me to think on this and write about it.

Downton Abbey

I've recently finished the first season of Downton Abbey and I have to say that it's the best television series I've ever watched. The setting, the stories, the characters, the acting, all of it. I love it. It inspires you to hope and to embrace humility. It gives you those genuine feel-good moments. For this reason, I intend on picking up my first blu-ray player along with the series. I HIGHLY recommend it.

I had real joy and contentment.

Not because of what I had, but because of where my mind was set. I was not addicted to anything, nor did I crave anything but I was free to enjoy anything. I remember I was making a lot of progress in my attitude and my relationships. If I was addicted to anything, it was a cup of hot tea or coffee, and those I had learned to enjoy thoroughly. I was accustomed to setting my mind on good things; things that were honorable and beautiful.

One night, by obligation and fear of saying no, I left it all in misplaced faith; I thought the doctrine was good, though I had my reasons to question.  The outside looked so healthy. I was enticed by the promise of godliness but I was wrong. IT was wrong. It was the first time I remember letting my anger rise up in a long, long time. The former things that had become like distant dreams were now resurfacing. I was lied to. I was told to let go and let God. But I'm not a puppet, and the presence of sin will always remain in this body until the resurrection. There is another principle at work that is opposed to good and to let your guard down is a lie from Satan. I should have listened to the words from scripture:

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

I've never had outbursts of anger before as I do now. I get very angry and then very ashamed of that anger. In the moment, I tell myself I don't care who sees. But I do care. Then I think of the person who made me angry and lash out at them in an effort to show them how much their attitude affects me, hoping they'll stop.

Wanting to maintain at least a shadow of what I once thought was mine, which was really just a self-righteous form of morality, I let the shame of that facade being exposed anger me even more. I try to justify my anger, but all it does is pour gas on the fire. Then I yell, cursing at God, telling him I must be another sad loss, who's end is to be cast into hell.

I feel like I've lost everything, and that other people have stolen it all. I can't take constant interactions with people. It drains me so that when I get home, I want to seclude myself as a monk so that I'm not tempted anymore, but that's a false form of godliness. Anyone's sin can sit dormant if they disconnect themselves from anything that may cause it to stir.

I need to learn the art of controlling myself in the midst of temptations, rather than fighting to keep temptations from happening. Trying to run from temptation is just fighting the symptom of the problem without getting to the root of it. But where do I get the strength to do it? I don't have the will anymore. I try to find something to turn the ignition for righteousness and to keep it's engine fueled, but it always ends up dying out. Then I find myself back in the same mess, and even worse than it was before.

I don't need counsel. I just need to know that's possible to escape this place I'm in. I need to know that someone has experienced exactly what I'm going through, but found their way out.

My mind is so much busier than it was when I was a newborn Christian. I have a lot more responsibilities than I did then. It was so much easier when I was 19, unemployed, had no bills to pay, and zero obligations.

It's a struggle to keep my mind on the Lord now. It was so much easier when there was no stress! I grieve when I remember the days I first knew the Lord. Everything was so new and exciting. It was like being in some dream.

It feels so far away now. Daily interactions with people are so exhausting that, on my weekends, I choose to stay completely secluded the entire duration.

I feel crowded, overrun, and pressured. I'm imprisoned by sin (the power) and the cares that ceaselessly pelt at my mind.

I wish I could throw it all away and live as a monk.

I don't care about making a ton of money. I don't care about having some silly education. I don't care about being smart or clever. I just want out of this, and I want the easy way out. You know, like winning a lottery, quitting my job, and living in a small house in some quiet place.

Handling Stress

We don't "overcome" stressful situations.

That would be flying through a storm.

We keep our eyes on Christ and are unaffected by it.

That is flying above the storm.

Evil is Always Present

I am so fickle!

You know, it's a great deal easier to keep the mind stayed on Christ and have peace when you are not in the midst of stress.

Over the weekend, I can recharge and set my mind on Christ and have peace, yet when I get back to work, it is very hard to keep my mind stayed on Him and to keep myself from getting angry and totally forgetting what it really is that I desire. When I get home, the Spirit makes His desires aware to me, to abstain from sin.

Understand me. I do not have feelings of guilt, but a strong desire to be free and to live free. I want to speak good things to people and use my words to build up, not to tear down. I want to be free from the fear of men.

"When I want to do good, evil lies close at hand."

I want the goodness of Christ to be shown in me toward others at work. It's an incessant, uphill battle, as it is for all believers.

That is why it is written to us, "There is therefore now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus".

The renewal of our minds is so crucial for us to live free from fear, sin and unbelief.

It's currently on my heart to pray for certain persons who have left healthy doctrine for error and false teaching. It somewhat grieves me when I think of these who began in grace but then became over-excited, if you will, and ran on ahead of the teachings of Christ, giving into philosophy and human reasoning. I don't feel it worth mentioning the false teachings themselves, just that the Lord has laid it on my heart to pray for them.

Dead to the Law

Is it love or is it the Law that guides us Christians in our day-to-day living?

I've been reading quite a bit from Martin Luther's writings lately and he would say salvation is of course by faith, but that the Law is still to be used as a guide for holy living. But, he says, when one feels the guilt from not being able to keep the Law, we should quickly remember the Gospel and discard, rather than entertain, any thoughts or feelings of condemnation. Luther also zealously argued the need for the Law in converting unbelievers, Jew or Gentile. He said it was necessary that people see their own sin before they could come to Christ for justification.

However, I do not see that in the scripture. I see Paul preaching only Christ and faith to the majority of his Gentile audience, who were unacquainted with the Law. I also see Paul, in his letter to Timothy, explain that it is Christ's love that restrains us from evil works. The scripture from Romans immediately comes to mind where Paul says "Sin shall not have dominion over you, for you are not under law but under grace."

In fact, Paul says the power of sin is in the Law, and that the Law can only serve to incite sin within the human race and thus show mankind's need for the Savior.

So, it seems right to me, that if we would be free from sin, we should continually renew our minds with the Gospel so as to stir up faith within our hearts, and our hearts being purified by faith, we receive the power to abstain from every kind of sin.

This is not, however, automatic. There is discipline to be had, but the motive for our discipline has changed entirely under the new paradigm the Gospel gives us. The motive for discipline now comes from our love of Christ, because, as the scripture says, he first loved us.

So then, the requirement for a Christian, if they are to remain free from sin, is the renewal of his or her mind that comes from hearing the Gospel afresh, daily. The only two remedies for sin that a Christian receives from God are these: the Gospel and the Holy Spirit. The Christian is not given the Law as a remedy for sin. The Law is for those outside the faith, holding them under the condemnation of God. It would make no sense for a Christian to continue to utilize the Law when the Law has already accomplished in him the work for which it was sent. That is, to lead them to Christ. Now that faith has come into a Christian's heart, there ends his partnership with the Law. He is entirely dead to the Law and it's requirements.

Only The Gospel Creates Right Living

In past few days I have felt the cloud of deadness and apathy begin to clear. I can see, though still somewhat bleakly, the joy that was mine before I fell into various sins and despondency. I now realize that my joy did not derive from striving to keep my mind renewed with how I ought to behave as a Christian, though I am not trying to devalue the value of good behavior.

It's apparent to me now that my joy and motivation always had it's source in the Gospel, I just was not aware of it. I thought those things came from my striving to please God under the Law, so much so that I strongly desired to be back under the Law and fear because my behavior had gotten so severely out of line in nearly every respect.

The mistake I made before was believing in the Gospel, but at times giving into the despair that the Law brings. I thought it was the terror of the Law that kept me in line, but in reality the Law was nothing but a hindrance to me in having joy and love for Christ. The truth is, it was my partial misunderstanding of doctrine that took advantage of my love for God, born from my belief in the Gospel, and tempted me to run to the Law because I so wanted to please Christ. I didn't know, even after coming to a sincere faith in Christ alone, that it was always the power of the Gospel that was holding me up! My zeal for the Law only gave me setbacks. I had moments of such a pure faith in the Gospel that enabled me to move mountains, but then I would allow the Law to resurface and be offered up to my conscience through whatever agent the devil could utilize, be it teachers or my own temptations to revert back to the Law.

In truth, the Gospel is the only thing I have been given to have power from sin, death, hell, fear and the devil. My fallen flesh is ceaselessly tempted to revert back to the Law, sin and unbelief.

True, I needed my mind renewed in times of temptation and weakness, but I wrongly judged that the mind needed to be renewed with the Law. The Law has no power in restraining my flesh, nor can I afford, by the flesh, to continue to have my mind renewed with it's requirements, no matter how much I try to muster up the consistency to keep my mind renewed with pure living and noble behavior. The only thing that softens my heart is the Gospel. The Gospel is the only thing I can eat of constantly and never grow full or nauseous.

It is so easy, even after having a revelation of grace, to revert back to the Law. Hence all the exhortations to "stay awake" and "be alert of mind" that are in the Scriptures.

The Law does not have the capacity within it to shake you out of apathy, despondency and sin; it can only worsen the problem.

Back to Basics

I have been reading quite a bit of Martin Luther's writings lately. I'm fascinated by him as he was clearly called by God, as is evidenced by his great revelation of grace, to reveal grace to a church that scarcely existed due to the false teachings of Catholicism.

His writings have stirred my mind with thoughts that perhaps the reason I am stuck in such a place of apathy and sin, is because I haven taken my eyes off the Gospel. Not that I was rejecting it, but that I had not been paying close attention to grace, renewing my mind. My heart needs constantly be refreshed by the grace of Christ, otherwise, I am in danger of forgetting or considering the Gospel of little worth. Thus, the power to overcome apathy and sin is quenched. I could say apathy toward the Gospel is a form of unbelief, and not long after unbelief, do we see the fruits of it.

After reading only a few pages of Luther's argument for case of Christ's salvation, I felt myself renewed and energized.

I had thought that I knew the Gospel and was free from the fear of Christ's judgment, and indeed I have been, but I believed that I needed to move onto discipline and leave behind the Gospel. Not that I didn't need it anymore, but I felt my knowledge was sufficient, and while the revelation I have had of grace has been, without question, great, I am never to move onto something else. The Gospel is my salvation and my power for Godly living. How could I have been so deluded? I knew this from the beginning.

I write this to say to myself, and other believers, that we ought to stay awake and, "gird up the loins of our minds" with the Gospel of Christ.

The Gospel is all we need. We do not need to focus on discipline, however, we must be aware that discipline does have it's place, but only when the mind is set on Christ and on his Gospel.

New Wine

Here's a great post from Brian entitled, "New Wine".

Why Obedience?

Initially, upon having a revelation of grace, I had a lot of unlearning to do.

Well, I am not so sure that it was unlearning, as it was learning to trust, depend, and rely on Christ alone. The core of my experience was knowing theoretically that Christ loved me apart from my behavior, but I believed that was only for my conversion; to woo me in. I didn't realize it, but I viewed God's love as something He used to bait me with, but once I bit down on it, I was to become His employee. I had to discipline myself to believe that it was because of Christ alone that God continues to give me his favor and love. It's because of Christ alone that I am a not a slave, but a son.

I am not writing here to say that faith was wrong. By no means. I continue to search out the depth of God's love. However, there were some things I picked up along the way that are wrong.

Such as?

Such as the belief that there are no "shoulds" for the believer; that there are no commands.

There are indeed commands and "shoulds", but they ought to be built on a foundation of grace, knowing that it is not our behavior that gives us good status with God.

Jesus shows us this in Luke 17:7-10

“Will any one of you who has a servant plowing or keeping sheep say to him when he has come in from the field, ‘Come at once and recline at table’? Will he not rather say to him, ‘Prepare supper for me, and dress properly, and serve me while I eat and drink, and afterward you will eat and drink’? Does he thank the servant because he did what was commanded? So you also, when you have done all that you were commanded, say, ‘We are unworthy servants; we have only done what was our duty.’”

There are commands. However, if you obey commands, don't suppose it will earn you a better status with God. Christ is your status with God, and the commands you obey, are not to be obeyed with the belief that you will somehow get some bonus points. Remember the laborers in the vineyard? Those who worked twelve hours had the same pay as those who worked only one hour.

We obey, but we obey from the heart. Not from compulsion, but from the freedom we have in Christ.

This has got to be the toughest discipline that I have not yet acquired. I want to obey, but no one, not even God, will make me obey. I can only choose to. And the "reward" is the action itself. (There may be rewards for us upon the return of Christ, but Paul is very vague on the subject.)

I can choose to have joy in my spirit by obeying God, or I can choose for my spirit to be in torment by obeying sin.

Don Francisco - I Dont Care Where You've Been