Two Options

I lament of my behavior quite often, but today is one of those days I came to myself. I am not esteemed by the Lord for my behavior, but by my faith.

Faith in Christ is the one and only thing you have as a believer that separates you from those outside. It's what God admires and loves about you; it's what pleases Him about you. He doesn't regard you according to your performance, but your faith. Faith is all you have, so be person of impeccable faith. Your behavior and your mood will rise and fall in this life. That is why the promise of eternal life is not granted to you through the currency of good behavior and generosity, but is freely given through placing your trust in Christ.

Mankind has two options with God:

1. Being a law-man

or

2. Being a faith-man

The law-man lives a life of ceaseless labor and doubt. You could say his good behavior locks him out from the kingdom. He lives only to glorify himself, while the person of faith lives to glorify God in Christ. And more than that...he also receives glory from God. Why? Because he dared to take the risk of escaping hell through something that seems like utter folly to the natural mind: simple trust.

Faith is the only obedience you have that merits anything with God.

Being Dead Feels Great

Having read about half of Ralph Harris' book, "God's Astounding Opinion of You", I've been reminded of truths I already knew, and have also been able to view already familiar scriptures in a new light. The chapter that Ralph used to give me new insight was the very beginning of Romans 7. Paul, in this letter is addressing both Jew and Gentile within one assembly and then speaks directly to the Jews who knew the law:

"Or do you not know, brothers...for I am speaking to those who know the law...that the law is binding on a person only as long as he lives?"

This simple verse amazed me. It's so simple that I can't believe I've overlooked it in the past. Or maybe I knew it before but had forgotten. Or...it could be I knew it and still required further persuasion from the scriptures to really believe it.

The law only has power over me if I am alive. If I die, the law ceases to mean anything to me because I'm dead. What use has the law in condemning a dead man? Paul says this is literally true for the Christian. The Christian literally died with Christ on that cross so that the law could no longer have a right to judge him.

It apparently pleases God to make it so that I do not have to keep the commandments. It pleased Him! If it were not pleasing to Him, He would not have done it. What!? Are you advocating my sin, God!? Nope. He's advocating ME.

It pleases God that I don't need to worry about being good anymore. It pleases Him that He doesn't need to worry about me being good anymore. He did this so that He could have a relationship with me. If I were under the law, even just a little, so that I could try to be somewhat good, He could not justly allow me to partake of Him.

This seems so irresponsible of God. You're going to make me free? ME? I think you may be a bit too trusting, God. I'm liable to tear this place apart. But apparently it's not as big a concern to Him as it is to me. Why? Because He has already dealt with sin and judgement.

Up until now, I would shun well-intended encouragement from other Christians who would tell me "God's not as concerned about your sin as you think." This was an offense to me. Of course He is! I thought this was just some way to lie, to make me feel better and give an excuse to my sin. Now I understand what they mean. It's God's desire not to hold my sins against me. He enjoys it because that means I can be entirely devoted to Him without the fear of being cast off.

This may not be a big revelation to you, but it was to me. And it's good for me to think on this and write about it.

Downton Abbey

I've recently finished the first season of Downton Abbey and I have to say that it's the best television series I've ever watched. The setting, the stories, the characters, the acting, all of it. I love it. It inspires you to hope and to embrace humility. It gives you those genuine feel-good moments. For this reason, I intend on picking up my first blu-ray player along with the series. I HIGHLY recommend it.

I had real joy and contentment.

Not because of what I had, but because of where my mind was set. I was not addicted to anything, nor did I crave anything but I was free to enjoy anything. I remember I was making a lot of progress in my attitude and my relationships. If I was addicted to anything, it was a cup of hot tea or coffee, and those I had learned to enjoy thoroughly. I was accustomed to setting my mind on good things; things that were honorable and beautiful.

One night, by obligation and fear of saying no, I left it all in misplaced faith; I thought the doctrine was good, though I had my reasons to question.  The outside looked so healthy. I was enticed by the promise of godliness but I was wrong. IT was wrong. It was the first time I remember letting my anger rise up in a long, long time. The former things that had become like distant dreams were now resurfacing. I was lied to. I was told to let go and let God. But I'm not a puppet, and the presence of sin will always remain in this body until the resurrection. There is another principle at work that is opposed to good and to let your guard down is a lie from Satan. I should have listened to the words from scripture:

"Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ."

I've never had outbursts of anger before as I do now. I get very angry and then very ashamed of that anger. In the moment, I tell myself I don't care who sees. But I do care. Then I think of the person who made me angry and lash out at them in an effort to show them how much their attitude affects me, hoping they'll stop.

Wanting to maintain at least a shadow of what I once thought was mine, which was really just a self-righteous form of morality, I let the shame of that facade being exposed anger me even more. I try to justify my anger, but all it does is pour gas on the fire. Then I yell, cursing at God, telling him I must be another sad loss, who's end is to be cast into hell.

I feel like I've lost everything, and that other people have stolen it all. I can't take constant interactions with people. It drains me so that when I get home, I want to seclude myself as a monk so that I'm not tempted anymore, but that's a false form of godliness. Anyone's sin can sit dormant if they disconnect themselves from anything that may cause it to stir.

I need to learn the art of controlling myself in the midst of temptations, rather than fighting to keep temptations from happening. Trying to run from temptation is just fighting the symptom of the problem without getting to the root of it. But where do I get the strength to do it? I don't have the will anymore. I try to find something to turn the ignition for righteousness and to keep it's engine fueled, but it always ends up dying out. Then I find myself back in the same mess, and even worse than it was before.

I don't need counsel. I just need to know that's possible to escape this place I'm in. I need to know that someone has experienced exactly what I'm going through, but found their way out.

My mind is so much busier than it was when I was a newborn Christian. I have a lot more responsibilities than I did then. It was so much easier when I was 19, unemployed, had no bills to pay, and zero obligations.

It's a struggle to keep my mind on the Lord now. It was so much easier when there was no stress! I grieve when I remember the days I first knew the Lord. Everything was so new and exciting. It was like being in some dream.

It feels so far away now. Daily interactions with people are so exhausting that, on my weekends, I choose to stay completely secluded the entire duration.

I feel crowded, overrun, and pressured. I'm imprisoned by sin (the power) and the cares that ceaselessly pelt at my mind.

I wish I could throw it all away and live as a monk.

I don't care about making a ton of money. I don't care about having some silly education. I don't care about being smart or clever. I just want out of this, and I want the easy way out. You know, like winning a lottery, quitting my job, and living in a small house in some quiet place.

Handling Stress

We don't "overcome" stressful situations.

That would be flying through a storm.

We keep our eyes on Christ and are unaffected by it.

That is flying above the storm.