I am struggling with pride and arrogance.
I am constantly on the look at everyone's belief it seems, making sure they're not straying into lies. I am afraid that legalists won't accept grace and that people who accept grace will wander off into heresy. I am often, in my mind, lifted up higher than my precious brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not worthy of them. I feel that I try to intimidate people by putting on a facade. I am so afraid to be myself and my flesh is easily puffed up!! One little compliment can send my head soaring above the clouds!
I am often selfish and caring only of myself and looking after my own interests. I am often ungrateful in action and I struggle with obedience. I struggle with loving people! To be free of pride and the fear of man! To be free of all ungodliness and sin!! What would that feel like?
"I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!"
I often indulge in fantasies of being exalted, lifted up and being highly esteemed by God and man. When will I cease to care what man thinks of me? I wish I could be rid of pride once for all. I wish I could see others as important as they see themselves and as God sees them. I wish I could only seek the glory that comes from God. What freedom would that bring to my life?? What absolute freedom!
I want eyes to see people as God sees them and to love them as myself.