Sunday, February 8, 2009

"Wretched man that I am!"

I am struggling with pride and arrogance.

I am constantly on the look at everyone's belief it seems, making sure they're not straying into lies. I am afraid that legalists won't accept grace and that people who accept grace will wander off into heresy. I am often, in my mind, lifted up higher than my precious brothers and sisters in Christ. I am not worthy of them. I feel that I try to intimidate people by putting on a facade. I am so afraid to be myself and my flesh is easily puffed up!! One little compliment can send my head soaring above the clouds!

I am often selfish and caring only of myself and looking after my own interests. I am often ungrateful in action and I struggle with obedience. I struggle with loving people! To be free of pride and the fear of man! To be free of all ungodliness and sin!! What would that feel like?

"I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am!"

I often indulge in fantasies of being exalted, lifted up and being highly esteemed by God and man. When will I cease to care what man thinks of me? I wish I could be rid of pride once for all. I wish I could see others as important as they see themselves and as God sees them. I wish I could only seek the glory that comes from God. What freedom would that bring to my life?? What absolute freedom!

I want eyes to see people as God sees them and to love them as myself.


steve martin said...


All of that will come for you, but not in this life.

That old man will dog you the rest of your days.

But keeping yourself in front of God's Word will keep you as humble as you're gonna get (the unmitigated demand of the law does that) and then you'll repent, hear the Word of forgiveness, go out the door...fall down again...and the whole cycle repeats itself.

That is the shape of the life of the believer...repentance and forgiveness. Over and over and over again...until we are laid into the grave and raised up for the last time.

But, in all of that, He is working on and in you, He is completing the good work in you that He has begun.

Don't worry too much about it. he'll taake care of you, Matt.

lydia joy said...

Um - the old man is dead! He died! You now have a brand new nature, a new man, Jesus lives on the inside of you!!! You are not that old man anymore,

Romans 8- "there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death."

Now is the time to tell yourself, you are the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus and that you are seated in heavenly places (that takes care of your fantasy to be be exalted, no?), you are not your feelings. you are holy, acceptable and complete in Him!!! Don't get caught up in looking inward - go look upward, be righteousness conscious not self conscious. Jesus happens to think the world of you! Hang in there little brother you are growing in grace, rest in His loving arms, and in His perfect love that casts out all fear!!!

Love you!!

Bino M. said...

Matthew - I relate. All I can say is, you are not abnormal. Such feelings are not uncommon and most likely we will have such feelings here and there till we die (no matter how super spiritual we become). But the reality is, regardless of how we 'feel', we are perfectly loved and accepted by God!

Anonymous said...

I can certainly relate. I think we all can. In fact, I think we'd be lying to say that we never realize or recognize arrogant thoughts. However, Matt, they are just thoughts. How you respond to them, is different. The fact that you acknowledge them and despise such thoughts shows that you are in touch with the Holy Spirit...that you are in touch with the Good that is in you!!

As well, Bino hit-the-nail-on-the-head when He said that despite how we feel or what we think, the Truth is that because we are covered by Christ, those thoughts do not determine are worth or our character. As well, Papa loves you, unconditionally, despite your thoughts! You are His, as well!

~Amy :)

lydia joy said...

We walk by faith, not by appearance..........Here is a little illustration I read and felt compelled to share with you

Fact (or God's truth), faith and experience are walking on top of a wall. Fact walked steadily on, turning neither to the right nor the left and never looked behind. Faith followed, and all went well so long as he kept his eyes focused upon Fact; but as soon as he became concerned about Experience and turned to see how he was getting on, he lost his balance and tumbled off the wall, and poor old Experience fell down after Him.

Peace to you!!

RJW said...

Ah, Lydia!!

I know that story and LOVE it!!!

Matt, you know who you are and you are more than your soulish thoughts. You are a living Spirit and that is the REALITY that we must choose to live from or be forever tossed about by our feelings and circumstances. Our FAITH is in Christ not our exoerience or emotions. We are more than conquerers because we are in the CONQUERER not because of something we DO or FEEL!