Sunday, September 27, 2009

Just Thinking Outloud

Often I feel like "Who am I to call myself a Christian?" Ever feel like that?

I feel like I don't do enough and I'm not fanatic enough to be a Christian. I don't lay hands on people and pray. Actually, I never pray in front of people unless it's silent or someone else is praying. I'll pray for people, but not with them. It always feels as though I'm talking to them and not to God anyway.

I always feel like when I'm talking about Jesus, people are looking at me, thinking, "Is HE suppose to be a Christian? HA!"

A friend prayed for me today at Church. Her name is Rita, and she is so gentle and kind. She pressed her head against mine and sat there and prayed for something I've been struggling with lately. I wanted the boldness to do things like that...But I feel I'm just not ready. It didn't make me feel condemned or anything, but I do want to be free from the fear of people so as to just lay hands on people and pray when they need me to.

2 comments:

Joel B. said...

There have been times when it's been impressed upon my heart - I believe by God - to go and physically pray with people, and I've not gone and done it. For example, in a church service, it's been impressed upon my heart. Each time, it's been fear that has kept me from doing it. So I hear ya, man! I no longer feel guilt or condemnation for it. After all, guilt and condemnation never helped me to actually DO it the next time the opportunity came! LOL But I definitely want to be more open to the boldness that comes from the Lord to respond in those situations.

Matthew Campbell said...

We're in the same boat, Joel. I no longer feel condemnation for not doing so, and I sense that one day I will be given the freedom to do things like laying hands on people and praying for them. But, it will be the freedom that comes by the power and grace of the Holy Spirit, and not by working up the courage through condemnation.