Do you ever feel unspiritual? By that, I mean do you ever feel as though you have lost your witness as a Christian because you have stopped doing everything someone asks you to do in an effort not to feel guilty?
I may not be explaining myself well. Lately the thought crossed my mind that I am no witness for Christ because my lack of ...busyness? I don't attend our Church on Sundays anymore and I've become more relaxed in my thinking, my conversation and my doing. Sometimes when someone aks me to do something, I say no. And sometimes I get irritable when asked to do something. And I don't preach the Gospel and talk about God all the time to people.
I think these feelings are nothing but nonsense and I need to keep my eyes on Jesus and continue to bathe in God's presence. But will people see that I love Him if I am not busy trying to serve and influence? I suspect so.
I just want to exude an air of peace and joy and of being in love with my God. But I refuse to try and imitate that, only to give the impression that I have peace, joy and love. I want it to be real. I'm sick of masks, facades, and being a "connoisseur of moods".