Sunday, February 7, 2010

I feel lonely and angry.

I'm tired of being by myself all of the time. I'm tired of being dependent on people, not knowing how the world works.

I'm tired of preachers who talk about nothing but behavior and what a 'true Christian' looks like. Have a dose of your own 'medicine'.

I hate Christian songs that remind me of all of the anxiety I went through just a few years ago as a believer. I hate songs that say "I will worship" or "I will do this and that". Then worship already and quit boasting about it.

I'm short and my balance is fragile. I don't think I will ever feel as though I am a man here on this earth.

I want to be selfish right now and I don't care.

I'm a Christian with a solid faith in Christ's finished work. That faith is constantly given to me as a gift by God, but I still get sad and angry and frustrated with this current life.

For the first few years as a Christian, I tried to change my behavior and even my personality, but I'm sick of all of the tweaking and correcting. I need to be loved as I am and not as I feel I should be. For too long I have believed that it was okay for others to receive unconditional love from God, but that it was selfish for me to believe in it. Allow me to indulge for just a while. I don't care if the world thinks I'm a bad Christian for it.


The Lewis Family said...

I hear you!

And those songs bother me too, like why on earth sing about worshipping. I am not to keen on 'about' songs unless I am listening to a singer as opposed to singing it.

What is selfish eh.

And I just don't measure up in the worlds eyes either Matt. And as I age, I will be less and less so. Working at a retirement home really shows how fleeting vanity really is!!!!!!!!!!!!!! But it's hard not to feel like you don't measure up to certain standards.

Ack, I must off to bed

Steve Martin said...

There's no such thing as a "bad Chistian", or a "good Christian".

You are complete in Christ. And you will remain totally sinful, also. It's a paradox.

Life is a battle. Period.

Hang in there. Try to keep busy. Help others when and where you can. It really does help you, also.

No matter how low you get, Christ will be there in the muck and mire...with you.

Bino M. said...

Matthew, I too hear you!

Regardless, you are a Child of God, an identity unshakable!

sparrow girl said...

This is one of the best posts I've read on the internet in a while..

Praise God He loves us as we are..I want to be selfish too and allow myself to be unconditionally loved too..