Brusha Brusha Brusha

Are We Really Preaching Grace?

I was on some forums and someone told a guy, who says he is an atheist, "You should have capitalize Christ." And he said: "I intentionally didn't capitalize it because to me it's just a job description and not a noun, like god."

I honestly agree with him. Not that Christ is a job, but that He is portrayed as one through Christians.

A Romans 7 Situation

Today was yet another day in where I was shown how helpless I am without Jesus and His abundant grace and free gift of righteousness.

I ended up, after a brief moment of butting heads with mom, getting very frustrated and irritated and getting very angry. But I despise my anger. I hate my actions done in anger. It wasn't that I felt condemned or anything, but that I had a genuine hatred for my sin. I just wanted it to go away. I also saw in that moment other areas where I suck. With selfishness, bitterness, pride, and laziness. I had afterward, started talking to God. In the middle of talking, I thought of people who preach law. I yelled to God very angrily, "How in the hell do they do it!?" I went on for a few minutes about how they must live in some fairytale world where they must not know how pitiable, wretched, blind and poor they really are under the law. I was very angry with people who basically say "suck it up". I really wish they would take the time to look into themselves under pure, undiluted law and see how wretched they really are. Sure, you can look nice, happy, holy, and whatever. But is that a true reflection of the inside, or are people trying to, "Clean the outside of the cup?"

It really got me angry when I thought of people I've heard preach law and self sanctification. It sounds so ridiculous to me now when I hear someone basically say something like, "Produce in yourself the fruit of the Spirit." It makes no sense to tell someone to have the fruit of the Spirit. Sure, you can mimic the fruit of the Spirit, but you can't produce it. I would love to see any human produce genuine agape, joy, peace, kindess, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. I would love it if I could do that stuff simply by willing myself to do it. I've even tried. But to no avail. It is the Spirit who gives life, the flesh profits nothing.

I feel a little guilty for writing this, but it's what I felt.

Scare Tactics

I believe there are people who preach the gospel not out of love and faith for the gospel, but trust in obedience. Fear of losing ones salvation rather than a sincere trust in Jesus.

I formerly wanted to be martyred to prove my sincerity to myself and to God, thus putting faith in my faith and not in Jesus. I would literally be so stressed out about this because I wasn't sure if I would deny Christ or not. I had no idea what I would do, so I was worried constantly about this. I would be stressed all the time. But I wasn't putting faith in the gospel with that preaching that if I wasn't obedient, I would go to hell. Which actually prevented me from putting faith in the gospel. Because now I had to rely on my own faithfulness. So faith in Christ was nullified through faith in myself. You can't balance grace with law. I've tried and tried. It doesn't work.

But I find through trust in the gospel, I am definitely more likely to endure persecution. Now I know that it's not me, but Christ. My salvation is sure and safe. It doesn't depend on me, but Christ.

Watchman Nee

I took this from Steve McVey's book, "Grace Amazing".

"Watchman Nee once asked a class of children, 'Who is a sinner?' and their immediate reply was, 'One who sins.' He responded, 'Yes, one who sins is a sinner, but the fact that he sins is merely the evidence that he is already a sinner; it is not the cause. One who sins is a sinner, but it is equally true that one who does not sin, if he is of Adams race, is a sinner too, and in need of redemption. Do you follow me? There are bad sinners and good sinners, there are moral sinners and there are corrupt sinners, but they are all alike sinners.' "

Back To School

Today is my first day back to school. It's been a little over 4 years since I've been in school. I've been looking for some free walk-through sites to help with my math. I found a little something last night, but I hope to get all I can to help me. I'm going to try and learn about 9 years of math in 6 months. I can do it if God gives me the wisdom and persistence. If you think about it, say a prayer for mom and I with that. I really need this. Don't force it up. I reject guilt driven, rattled off words. I refuse doing them myself.

So not much is going on lately. I've just been putting my full weight in grace. I notice I love prayer so much more when I'm in complete grace. Because in grace, God can hear me. I don't have to make huge, articulated, well explained prayers. I can just speak and believe God hears me, regardless of my behavior. I've been thinking about praying the psalms lately, but I never get to it. What I really want is simply a constant awareness of God's Spirit in me and my union with Him. I get tired of having to sense closeness with God only when I'm doing something like praying, reading the Bible, meditating, etc. I want to go mobile. lol. I ought to be able to have an awareness of God's presence even when I'm not doing any of the above. That's one major problem with me and doing my obligations. It's hard for me to focus on anything else other than God, because I get so irritated, anxious and homesick when I'm not aware of Him. I want to run and pray or read a grace book, or blog, or bible verse or whatever. Then when I'm able to, I don't. Because my body wants to watch TV or whatever and I'm sitting there hating every second of it because I want to be close to God.

I Love You Always Forever - Donna Lewis

I love this song.