I believe there are people who preach the gospel not out of love and faith for the gospel, but trust in obedience. Fear of losing ones salvation rather than a sincere trust in Jesus.
I formerly wanted to be martyred to prove my sincerity to myself and to God, thus putting faith in my faith and not in Jesus. I would literally be so stressed out about this because I wasn't sure if I would deny Christ or not. I had no idea what I would do, so I was worried constantly about this. I would be stressed all the time. But I wasn't putting faith in the gospel with that preaching that if I wasn't obedient, I would go to hell. Which actually prevented me from putting faith in the gospel. Because now I had to rely on my own faithfulness. So faith in Christ was nullified through faith in myself. You can't balance grace with law. I've tried and tried. It doesn't work.
But I find through trust in the gospel, I am definitely more likely to endure persecution. Now I know that it's not me, but Christ. My salvation is sure and safe. It doesn't depend on me, but Christ.
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