Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Bad Day

This week has been pretty stressful. Mom broke her arm completely in two and I've just felt completely sinful.

I may be the biggest contradiction in the world. I pretend to be Christian around my brothers and sisters, but when I'm not around them I get angry at things they say.

I'm very intolerant against the slightest hint of legalism. And I hate that. I will dissect every word Christians say to make sure it's in line with the gospel. I don't want to hate my brothers and sisters. I don't want to sin..I don't want to be selfish or lazy. But I find myself doing it more often than not.

I've lost focus of Christ today. I had the thoughts that I must not be a Christian because I'm so evil.

My friends pray for me and all I do is think evil of them because I'm afraid they're going to scare me with legalism.

I try not to allow myself to feel condemned, but the weight of my sin bears down on me so hard sometimes.

1 comment:

Gary Kirkham said...


I can definitely identify with your post. I don't know if it helps, but you are not alone in this struggle. There is one thing I have noticed in my Christian walk; when I start to think that "I" have this or that particular sin licked and that "I" will no longer be bothered by it, then God comes around and shows me (through failure) that I still need Him and it is only through Him that I have victory.

I have noticed that when I get up first thing in the morning to pray, I am far less likely to give in to temptation and I am far more apt to read my Bible during the day. It’s not a legalistic thing, but it's good for me to start the day admitting to God that I need Him to get through the day. The Apostle Paul had the same struggle (Romans 7:14-25)

I think that it is possible to be legalistic about grace. I know that it sounds kind of strange, but it's the truth. How does legalism manifest itself? By expecting other people to behave a certain way or speak a certain way.

I have been legalistic about grace. There is another man at our church that has taught me a lot about grace and he has been the same way at times. That is why I can identify when you write, "I will dissect every word Christians say to make sure it's in line with the gospel." I have done it.

I have also seen it drive people away. It's not that most people aren't interested in the message of grace; it's that they don't like to be hit over the head and corrected when they get it wrong. They don’t like having to watch every little thing they say because someone is standing there ready to pounce.

I think that God reveals to us the truth about His grace when our hearts are ready to receive it. I think that most people have to go through the valley of legalism and fail before they can reach the mountain top of grace. The main thing we can do is to show them love and acceptance until God changes their mind about His grace.

In Christ,