I am not consistent in my prayer life. I want to be!! But I'm not. After awhile, praying for someone everyday turns into a routine and eventually it's really just me saying the words to get it in there. Like a time card to turn in. Oi... Why can't I get passed this!?!?!?! It's infuriating. Sometimes I want to suffer, because when I'm in suffering, I seek God, I pray and I don't look to worldly comforts. Why can't I just do what I want to do? Why don't I just sit down, quit medicating my brain with movies, music, blogs, etc and read the Scripture and receive revelation of God's grace?
How can I overcome my fears of people and their opinions of me? I want to be bold about my faith in Jesus. I want to be that picture perfect Christian. I want to be like Jesus!! I hate waiting. I feel lazy! Why doesn't God just talk to me verbally? I only want to do what He wants me to do. Because what He wants is not bondage. I can do whatever He gives me to do. But I set out to do things I'm probably not equipped to do simply because I start thinking "A true Christian would do this..." and so I do it. Perhaps it is a good work, but not a God work. I know who God is. I know He loves me and accepts me unconditionally, but I can't feel it or see it. I'm selfish and lazy! I need to re-dedicate myself!! Seriously. I don't want to do everything right, I just want to do most things right. Then I will feel better. I don't like being humble. I like feeling honorable and worthy.
Anyone relate? lol
I'm not going back to the Law. I'm just writing how I feel this week. :)