Friday, August 1, 2008

God's Humbling Love

When I'm feeling tired, lethargic or full from eating a good meal, it's in those times when I'm hesitant to seek God's love and believe He loves me. I get anxious when my mood goes down because I'm not feeling strong enough to be really nice or do nice and noble things for people. I don't want to talk to anyone. It's those times when I feel like I'm a worldly, hedonistic, self-seeking slob.

And so I feel even more tired because now I feel unloved. I feel like I am detestable and unfit for any good work. And so comes the treadmill of guilt. I've been lazy and selfish, now I need to up the speed on this treadmill of guilt. I need to do more kind things. I need to boost my mood and feel strong. I need to drink a few cups of coffee or something to improve my mood. God is not pleased with my mood. I need to step it up.

I haven't been praying nearly enough for people. I don't witness enough. I don't do enough good works. I don't love enough people. So now I reflect on my past failures and stupid mistakes and beat myself up so that I will be a better person.

....Just some things I sometimes go through lol. I thought you guys might be able to relate...I know you can. Whether you admit it or not. Whether you like it or not. You are not super-spiritual, nor will you ever be. You have not made that final, once for all dedication where you do everything you are suppose to do and consistently do it.

Sometimes I guess it's just best to rest in the fact that you are scandelously loved by God.

6 comments:

Joel B. said...

You heathen! Get up there to the altar and rededicate yourself before it's too late!

Matthew Daelon said...

I'll do even better than that! I'll rededicate my rededications!

AmyC. said...

Matt,

Absolutely, I chose "D" - all of the above. We'd be liars if we said we never struggled with thoughts or days like this.

I just had one such day today, quite honestly. struggle with my job situation. And, the feelings increasing right after talking with my parents (Hmmm...can anyone relate?) I love them dearly, I genuinely do. Always will. It's just what the conversation signified. Sigh...Father will sort that out in my heart, in due time.

Papa knew I needed a hug. Thus, He dropped an RSS Feed msg into my inbox of a wonderful Blog, just written today by Tracy. I highly encourage all to read it. Holy Spirit's gift to me. To push guilt and fear out and work some love back into my heart.

The link is:
http://thebestparts.blogspot.com/2008/08/when-i-grow-up-i-want-to-be-me.html

Thank goodness for Father's amazing Love. He's wrapped around us...always.

~Amy :)

Only Look said...

What if I get check on some cheat codes? Will that count?

Matthew Daelon said...

Grace covers your weak areas, Brian. Just be sure to buckle down and try your best. After all...We just gotta make sure we get a passing grade. The only bad thing is you never know when you have a passing grade. And so passages in Hebrews like "come boldly to the Throne of Grace" have no meaning to us.

Bino M. said...

This post give me hope!