It hasn't really been that long ago really. That is, Since I repented and came to Christ Jesus. I don't like to say "I repented" as in self-effort. A change of mind doesn't come necessarily from willing it to happen...Mine came from God. It was an unhardening of the heart to view Him in a way I hadn't before. New thoughts about Him...Good thoughts. And I fell in love instantly and was drawn in by His beauty. Knowing more about Him was all I cared for. The desire for sin fled away. Devotion to Jesus, my Jesus had been born. I only cared to think of Him.
A lot like when you fall in love as a teenager. You don't want to think about or talk to any person other than the one whom you're in love with. You don't wanna go anywhere or do anything but talk to that person.
I don't want my heart stolen from undivided devotion to my God, my Jesus. Love is the most exciting thing there is. I don't want desires for other things to quench my fascination and devotion.
Sometimes when I open my Bible, I am longing for it to tell me something, but I don't know what. I want it to show me His face.
The first day He set my eyes on Him, sin just became bland and stale. I found the most amazing person. The most amazing and exciting love. A "divine romance". Sometimes I wish I could feel that way all the time. To feel that passion every second. To see His face all the time. Jesus Christ has provided the Way beyond the veil into God's room. I can go in anytime I like. I don't want laziness or passivity to hinder me from simply looking at Him. The knowledge of Him transforms hearts. It's the most exciting and thrilling thing to just focus on Him and to think of Him.
I want my affections constantly to be set on things Godly. Love, holiness, purity. I don't want distractions. I only want Him.
This is no cliche when I quote the Psalm:
"O God, you are my God; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirsts for you; my flesh faints for You, as in a dry and weary land where there is no water. So I have looked upon You in the sanctuary, beholding your power and glory. Because Your steadfast love is better than life."