Earlier I was contemplating the truth of the Gospel. The reality of it rather than the theology of it. And I eventually found myself trying to grasp the fact it was MY sins that Jesus died for so that I could see how personal and real this is and that the Gospel is not just some salvation theory. I think this is definitely true but I do think we can go too far as I did today. I found myself trying to understand it so much that I physically became tired and then I started to doubt my faith in what Jesus did for me personally. Did I really believe right? Am I sure I put faith in the fact that He died for MY sins and not just for the world? Do I really understand that I was raised from the dead with Him when I believed He was raised from the dead by God?
When I try to understand things too much, and try to put faith in them, then it will be impossible. I can't understand spiritual things with my mind. Of course we are to trust He personally died for us, but struggling to grasp the fullness of that will wear us out. We will never completely understand with our minds, what Jesus did on the cross. Terry Rayburn, in a message I listened to shortly after this anxiety and frustration, said something very encouraging. He talked about how we need to break out of the bondage of trying to understand things in order to believe them. I admit I am terrible with this. I struggle to see my faith and wonder if I believed it right and so on and so forth. Questions such as "Do I really know Jesus?" and "Did I really believe that it was MY sins that He died for?" will plague the person who struggle to understand everything.