Tuesday, December 4, 2007

'Round And 'Round The Mulberry Bush

You know, more often than not, I can easily catch myself in hypocrisy.

Just today I was going to post a blog entry about Universalism, New Age and how much I despise those beliefs. I was going to make the comment about how Oprah likes to quote scriptures from the Bible, but ignores things like the gospel and that there are none righteous, not even one. Then I realized how I still shy away from books like James, 1 and 2nd Peter, parts of Revelation and parts of other books because they seem to contradict the gospel. I know it's simply my lack of understanding, but I've yet to understand a lot of those things and I get scared when I read certain passages. This happened in Hebrews very often before I understood grace and the New Covenant. Now I love Hebrews. It always makes me very confident in the gospel.

But there are parts where I intentionally avoid because I feel I don't understand them or am not ready for them. I used to make myself read everything because I felt that I had to have all my theological pieces in order so that I could be a good Christian. But now I'm starting from the Gospel. Pure Gospel.

I worry at times because I can't love people the way I want and I can't surrender completely to God and love Him as much as I want to. Maybe it's a part of the "slow cooking" process. But I want to go higher and higher in love, faith and hope. I want to explode into the air, flying in the Spirit, loving God with all my heart, with all my soul, with all my mind and with all my strength. But I find it difficult to understand and grasp God's love. I also have difficulty slowing myself down to meditate on Him.

"Where sin abounded, grace abounded all the more."

Glory to God in the highest for His steadfast, unwavering love and grace. Glory to Him because He is God and there is no other. I wish I could love Him like He deserves to be loved.


lydia joy said...

I think you are not alone in your quest and I honestly think it's okay that you only read some Scripture, for now.....I too struggle with reading things that are beyond my infant understanding of GRACE, I know "He is faithful to complete the work he began."
I can relate to what you say...and also feel your anticipation for more of God and all of God......

Daelon said...

Hey Lydia,

Thank you for the comment. It is definitely a struggle to read the more mature things in Scripture. But like you said, the words of encouragement that He will faithfully complete the good work He began in me keeps me from worrying so much. I remember so clearly how I understood not one word of Hebrews and now I can clearly see the Holy Spirit meant to encourage us in our faith in God's grace found in our Lord Jesus Christ. =)

It's such a slow process! Thats what is so painful!! It's wonderful to have others growing along with you though. Thanks for reading!! =)