This morning was rough. Mom wasn't feeling well, and I was in a bad mood. I mean as much as I wanted to, I didn't feel any love at all. I felt like telling her to "leave me alone" and "quit stressing me out".
During this time I kept telling myself "Ok...Christ is in you" and "Don't be a jerk". And I was...I let it spew a little. No condemnation. I know I'm not condemned. But I was again confused, thinking I need to do something, being the Christian. I need to help. But there was no ability in me at all to be kind or understanding. I wanted to go outside and pray, but I felt I needed to stay there because mom was upset. But I ended up making things worse. I guess I had the "save the world" mentality.
I was frustrated and I prayed to the Father and asked "How do I activate Your Spirit!?"
I told Him something like, "I don't feel very much like a Christian right now. Nothing in me wants to love. I would like to be loving, but it isn't there. I don't even have the capacity."
Where is the button I push to get things going?