I was confronted again today with something I should have dealt with sooner. And that is that I committed to trusting in God's grace in Jesus Christ have been very critical in my mind toward my brothers and sisters in my Church. Even the slightest indication of legalism will cause me to fear, leading to bitterness toward the brethren. I got tired of hiding it from them. I need to let them know about this so that I can be at peace with them in my heart, not afraid of them or uncomfortable with them. I didn't mention it to them for fear of what I thought I would hear. I want to love them without fear. I want to be free to love God's family and stop feeling like I'm the goat and they're the sheep. I simply hate making myself vulnerable. But thats what love is about, right? Making yourself vulnerable. And I've yet to tell all of them this in person. I've simply e-mailed one brother.
I don't want to make this into a bigger deal than it needs to be.
Anyway...I was reading through 1st Peter and the Spirit stressed the fact that we are to love the brethren as it was the true sign of our faith in Christ. I was tired of being accused of hating the brothers and thus proving myself never really saved or whatever.
1st John also says that the one who fears cannot be made perfect in love. I don't want to be afraid of my brothers and sisters anymore. I want to be apart of their lives, whether they're like-minded or not. I need to know this freedom. I need intimacy with the family of God. I can't handle the stress of feeling out of place with them.