I gotta confess that I think I've gotten off track. I think the past few months or so I've been trying to use Christ in me as a way to keep consistent in "doin' stuff" for God to maintain His favor.
Honestly, I've swerved off the path of grace and freedom in Jesus. I get anxious to get going and to experience a lot of growth and maturity in a short amount of time that I forget that God would still love me even if I never did anything else for Him. I can usually tell when it's happening because I will be getting anxious about what I'm doing and start to feel burdened about proving myself to God. I've let go of the crazy, ruthless faith that God is love and He loves me freely in Jesus whether I pray like I'm suppose to it or not. Whether I clean my house everyday or not. Whether I do charitable things or not. Why do we always seek to imprison ourselves or control ourselves? For me, it's a lack of trust in my Father's love for me. My human reasoning wants to draw limit lines around my freedom.
Am I free to say no to someone? If a neighbor calls me and asks me to come over for a few hours am I obligated to say yes all the time? Is the Christian life one big obligation after the other? I've lost Grace in trying to get it. I want to back up and regroup. I want my insane trust in God's love back. I want my excitement for God's grace in Jesus again. I don't want to lose my first love. I don't want to draw boundaries around His limitless love and grace in Christ Jesus.
Some posts in the blog With Unveiled Face has helped me take a step back and refocus.