Being quiet and trusting the living Jesus in me to work through me is not very pretty or organized. I'm all over the place. I tend to jerk back control under stress. Apparently this is like riding a bike. At first you always fall down but you grow increasingly efficient in not falling down. You won't ever not fall down, but you grow into maturity.
I find the fellowship with Jesus is very good when I just quit trying to make Him do stuff and rest in Him that He is doing it through me. In brushing my teeth, cleaning the house, folding the laundry, making a grilled cheese sandwich or even writing a blog.
Don't try to force Jesus to do stuff through you...Just let Him. Go about your normal daily lives just resting that He is living through you, moment by moment. It's not a passive thing...It's more of a "whistle while you work" thing. You release the burden to Him.
I'm still wrestling with feelings of condemnation because I'm not as bold as I would like to be with my faith..But it comes and it goes. I choose not to let the thoughts enter my mind. Which is difficult. I worry "what if" all the time! What if Jesus tells me I was a coward? What if I am among the fearful and the unbelieving who are cast into the lake of fire?
Could this just be another attempt of the enemy to shake my foundation? If I can't believe I am truly God's son, what do I have left? I can't return to a hopeless life. Sin gives temporal pleasure, but now that I've tasted God's pleasures...They're cheap substitutes. I want my Jesus.