Being quiet and trusting the living Jesus in me to work through me is not very pretty or organized. I'm all over the place. I tend to jerk back control under stress. Apparently this is like riding a bike. At first you always fall down but you grow increasingly efficient in not falling down. You won't ever not fall down, but you grow into maturity.
I find the fellowship with Jesus is very good when I just quit trying to make Him do stuff and rest in Him that He is doing it through me. In brushing my teeth, cleaning the house, folding the laundry, making a grilled cheese sandwich or even writing a blog.
Don't try to force Jesus to do stuff through you...Just let Him. Go about your normal daily lives just resting that He is living through you, moment by moment. It's not a passive thing...It's more of a "whistle while you work" thing. You release the burden to Him.
I'm still wrestling with feelings of condemnation because I'm not as bold as I would like to be with my faith..But it comes and it goes. I choose not to let the thoughts enter my mind. Which is difficult. I worry "what if" all the time! What if Jesus tells me I was a coward? What if I am among the fearful and the unbelieving who are cast into the lake of fire?
Could this just be another attempt of the enemy to shake my foundation? If I can't believe I am truly God's son, what do I have left? I can't return to a hopeless life. Sin gives temporal pleasure, but now that I've tasted God's pleasures...They're cheap substitutes. I want my Jesus.
6 comments:
I think I wrote something that both you and I needed to hear today. Love to you. :)
My, my. To rest in Him. Who ever knew it could be so hard? Thanks for sharing your heart.
Exactly right, free spirit. When my anxiety starts up, immediately I yank back control without even noticing it. Jesus' yoke is indeed easy and His burden is indeed light.
Hi Matt,
I really like what you wrote, its is difficult for me to allow God to work though me like that, but I must say that I am getting better about not trying so hard. I like the "whistle while you work" concept, lol, its one of those things that make you laugh at first and then say, "but isn't that about the way of it though?". I hope to get better as time goes, I'm not a good blogger, but not trying to say the right thing and just saying how I feel is good, and in being myself I see God work though me more than ever. My wife and I have read your blogs for some time, my wife calls herself a "lurker" for not ever commenting lol, however, we have always enjoyed your sharing heart and have found strength in even your weakest seeming moments. Blessings to you and your heart.
Ron
Authentic stuff going on here, thanks for sharing your journey.
Best Leonard
ps. that's one sexy haircut you got going on there, reminds me of me.
I have something a little different to say in response.
Grilled Cheese Sandwiches! Mmmmm! Thanks for bringing that up. I'm going to make some and I think I'm adding some bacon to them!
But seriously...
I hear ya. Even though I really have experienced an overall "even keel," as I wrote a few weeks ago, in my walk with Jesus ever since coming to grace, I can testify to the questions and wondering and all of that. I really do think it's due to the lies of the Enemy. He doesn't care what it takes to make us feel low and despondent, and utterly useless to God, and to feel as if we've not measured up. As long as he can get us to take our eyes off of The Standard, Jesus Christ Himself, then he's got us beat.
And of course, if he can get us to question the truth of God's unconditional agape, and to get us instead to focus on how poor our performance is, then he's won.
We've truly got to remember that our foundation is not ourselves. Rather we're standing on a foundation other than ourselves, that has nothing to do with ourselves. A Savior saves. The "savee" gets saved, and doesn't save himself. :)
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