There are a lot of times where I feel so grounded and tied down by the world. Video games, computers, TV, movies, ipod, food and drink. Also I have the comfort of being at home most of the time with central heat for the winter and A/C for the summer. I am physically wealthy. Not according to most of the worlds standards, but I can honestly say that I believe I am very rich.
At times I feel I am being choked by these things. I have noticed I can slack in prayer and intimacy with God in order to play a video game for a few hours, watch TV, eating when I'm not necessarily hungry, and on and on.
I guess one of my main reasons for this is I get so full of the grace of God and I get excited about it and then i sort of just do whatever. I want to know ways I can channel this excitement into something productive in my relationship with God. I want to harness it and allow myself intimacy with God. But my problem is that I'm not exactly sure how to have intimacy with God. I want more of Him in my prayer time. I want a deeper experience I guess...I want to enjoy spiritual pleasures and I want to fall in love with my God, but I seem to fall short of my expectations of experiencing God's presence.
I worry about being choked by the cares and pleasures of this life. I have this thirst for God and I'm not sure how to quench it. It's difficult for me to grasp God's love like I want to. I hope someone can relate. I simply don't understand the fullness of His love for me. Sometimes I'll tell Jesus that I want to know His thoughts toward me. I want to know Him personally and seek Him everyday. I wanna know how He feels toward me when I sin and when I don't sin. I want to know what He has for me to do in this life. The basic Christian thirsts.
But I refuse to try and work up anything anymore. Religiously reading my Bible and religiously praying does not help me get closer to Him. Being a good boy doesn't allow me to experience Him. After all, Jesus said no one comes to the Father but through Him. I want to know that I know Him and that He knows me. I want to hear, feel, touch and see Him. Seeing Him in creation doesn't do it for me like it used to. I want God. I want intimacy with Him. What must I do to know Him more personally?
I originally intended to express my fears of being choked by "cares, riches and pleasures of this life" but I guess what I'm trying to do is substitute enjoying God by turning to other things?