I'm a mess today. I was having a difficult time concentrating today.
Then, driving with Ronnie, I nearly wrecked his car twice. When I got home, I really felt it from the devil. I felt terrible and wanted to kick myself. I still feel the after effects. It's tension because I despise acting irresponsible stupid. But I can't let the condemnation come in, because I'm under grace. So there is no drill sergeant, shame motivated behavior modification. There is no self-improvement. I just have to learn to trust God's Spirit. It makes no sense. But I guess the Spirit is foolish to the natural mind, huh? Kind of like the people in the book of Hebrews who got nervous and wanted to run back to the law. But we serve in the newness of the Spirit, not the oldness of the letter.
I really wanted to kick myself tonight because I felt the accusations big time.
"How can you be a Christian when you do such things?" "God won't change you. He wants you to get your act together and get back to work."
"Who is he to condemn? It is Christ who died."
I guess the worry inside me is that I won't change if I don't change myself.