I just opened my Bible and flipped to John 11:40
"Did I not tell you that if you believed, you would see the glory of God?"
It spoke to me quite softly. The past few days I've just been anxious to be sanctified and get to work for God. (For the wrong reasons might I add)
I've just been getting anxious and nervous with my sinfulness and flesh patterns lately. The moment tension picks up, we feel compelled to run back to the law. Grace is scary. It takes faith.
God is amazing and beautiful. I love the way He speaks to us. He's so funny. He's so infinite, almighty and a consuming fire. Yet He is so gentle and loving with us. I love the book of Jonah. God is just like this huge lover ready to love and be head over heals for anyone who wants Him. He follows Jonah around irritating Him with His love. Jonah gets angry at Him for His indiscriminate, and ridiculous love. It's like Jonah is yelling "I told you to quit loving so damn much!"
Our Father is just so ready and excited to love anyone. It doesn't matter how much they hate Him, how far away they may seem. He is going to agape your head off.
A sinners nature is sin. What does a sinner do? He devises new ways to sin. He meditates on the pleasures of sinning. He explores it and goes deeper and deeper, thinking of the vilest thing that will please Him. (don't get freaked out, lol)
God's nature is agape. What does God do then? He devises new ways to love. He meditates on the pleasure of loving. He explores Himself and loves more and more extravagantly, thinking of the purest, kindest, most lavish way to give Himself to others for His and their pleasure. My proof of this theory is Christ crucified. He thought of the most excruciating way to love and lavishly pour out Himself for the most unworthy beings. We have one amazing God, who allows us to call Him daddy.
I give up Calvinism and trying to figure God out. I don't want to understand Him. I can't...I just want to stare at Him for eternity, wondering at Him, hopelessly in love with Him. Absolutely infatuated and obsessed with Him. I don't want good works. I don't want anything but Him.