Friday, July 13, 2007


Today started out very well. I got to chat with some friends at as I said earlier.

But now I'm feeling very ashamed and down right evil because I'm very over-analytical of what people in my church say. I'm always on guard, afraid someone is going to say something to cause me to feel condemned again. But it's my own ignorance and stupidity to do that.

I love my church, but my fear causes me to shy away from some people because I dissect every word they say. I feel I don't deserve God's mercy. I just see myself as evil and selfish. My fear causes anger toward people who have done nothing to me but love me. Then I read 1st John and it talks about how people who hate their brothers are in the darkness and blinded by the darkness.

Then I also fear that I just don't believe enough or something. Like I didn't believe the gospel the right way, so it will not profit me because I'm just evil and selfish.

1 comment:

The Lewis Family said...

I think the issue is an issue of self-reliance. . . Do not depend on your'self' to be loving and kindly disposed toward others (who you may very well be picking up on the spirit of condemnation from). The hope of glory is Christ IN you. Let the Spirit of God do the loving through you. Lean not on your own abilities, rather lean on Christ who is in you! Self condemnation is exactly what it is. It's a waste of time, unless it allows you to see the beauty of the rest in Jesus, the awesomeness of God, and the power of His Spirit.