Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Inward Groanings

It is a hard thing for a believer to realize and understand that they don't know how to love or aren't capable of loving. To know you're holy and made perfect, but still hindered from being totally free to love is a difficult thing to accept. I myself, am not able to be self-less. To see how far from expressing agape I am just hurts. I see how annoyed I get if I'm simply asked to water flowers or the lawn. I'm waiting on God to work in me, but something inside of me groans when I see this extreme selfishness or laziness inside me. I just feel I don't have the capacity to agape. And I don't. Only God can create agape and express it in me and through me.

It's not just hard for me to overcome these things, it's impossible. But of course, with God, all things are possible.

I'm praying for freedom from my selfishness and laziness.


Joel Brueseke - Grace Roots said...

I can relate to all of this! It's hard to know that Perfect Love is living inside you and that He is your life... and yet to have the flesh right there as well. But "growing in grace" is a process, and we can't expect ourselves to change instantaneously. This is where I believe in evolution... the long process of the changing of the heart and the renewing of the mind. :) (I got that idea from a song... lol).

One of the verses I mentioned in a post earlier today is one that helps me:

Rom 5:8-11
But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. For if when we were enemies we were reconciled to God through the death of His Son, much more, having been reconciled, we shall be saved by His life.

If He died for us when we were His enemies - which reconciled us to Him - how much more, having been reconciled (past tense, already done), does His life continuously save us!

One thing about grace is that it knows that deeply ingrained fleshly patterns are not overcome overnight. Agape is patient. :) Rather than focusing on how far we've fallen, I think we need to simply let go and trust the faithfulness of God more and more. We can't out-sin the grace of God!

Ps 139:7-12
Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, "Surely the darkness shall fall on me,"
Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

jul said...

I hope I'm not sounding rude, but you don't sound free! You still have a sin consciousness. We are not as believers meant to be aware of our sin, since awareness of sin comes through the law and we are dead to the law. Don't give in to condemnation but fix your eyes on Jesus and him alone. If you want to grow in grace, you have to live in pure pure grace. I have found I have had to completely immerse myself in the message of grace through Scripture and powerful sermons. As I recommended to your friend who already commented (very wisely), Rob Rufus and Terry Virgo are two that I know of (and listen to). I'm sure there are more!

I also can relate to what you're saying, but it is condemnation, something we don't have to give in to anymore by the Spirit of God living in us. Grace is forgiveness but also incredible power. Over time we learn to use the power given to us in Christ to say 'no' to ungodliness' but as Joel said, we need patience. And we can be happy in God in the now (actually all the more as we see his love in spite of our imperfections). In my life it is pride that gets me all upset over my sin, and pride and fear of man are signs that there is still legalism lurking somewhere.

God bless.

Daelon said...

Hi Joel,

Thank you for letting me know you've dealt with similar stuff. That is huge encouragement. It is indeed a process. I've only been in grace for 4-5 weeks and I find myself expecting to be totally mature. I guess some of it comes from pride, if not all of it. I felt God gave me the thought the other day that if He were to do a huge change in me so quickly, I would become very prideful.

It's just so hard sometimes to see God clearly if you know what I mean. So hard to believe in this agape when I have nothing to offer Him in return. It's just constant mind renewal I guess, lol

Daelon said...


Thank you so much for saying that. It's the thought I realize I've been afraid of and pushing back lately. The idea that I must give myself totally to grace and nothing else. Thats where freedom comes from, but like you say, I get fearful of allowing myself to have flaws and it does stem from pride.

Thank you so much for being honest, lol. Sometimes we need the cold water of pure grace to wake us up. =)