The past few days have been interesting.
I have had a difficult time getting my mind focused on Christ again. The feelings of fatigue are finally wearing off, so I'm able to do what I need to do during the day. I have my mind set on God's grace and love. I reject any ideas of "But you have to...", I will let God guide me into what He has for me and I will not force anything. I've tried forcing things by using shame and self-discipline techniques. The reality is, I'm human. Some guys are able to be robotic drill sergeants commanding themselves into action. Apparently I'm not wired that way. When someone gives me a rule to follow, It is like forcing a negative to be a positive.
"The flesh is hostile toward God and does not submit to His law, indeed it CANNOT."
I've had drill sergeants all my life with school, cleaning my room, etc. They always shook up something inside of me to rebel and have hatred toward whatever they told me I needed to do. I can't bring myself to like or love someone who is demanding that I do something, because the very nature of my flesh is to rebel against it. Paul said the same thing. "When the commandment not to covet came in, it produced in me all kinds of covetousness."
It is like forcing two magnets together. If they don't go together at first our mind says "push harder!", but that isn't the point. We must accept that our flesh will sin and quit trying to abstain from it. I'm not saying go out and sin. I'm saying the way to overcome sin isn't by trying harder. It's by the Spirit. "But if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live." We do this by accepting God's extravagant grace and love without cost. Jesus says if you don't receive the kingdom of God like a child, you won't enter it. We need to learn to accept grace and quit whipping ourselves into obedience and quit whipping others into it as well. Becoming a drill sergeant is the worlds way to medicate a behavior problem. God wants to get to the root of the problem. The heart.