Sitting here, having coffee about to go to Bible study around 6:30 with Matt. Today was good.
I'm having this empty feeling in the back of my mind though. I want a deeper relationship with God. I want more of Him, but I can't discipline my body to stay consistent in it. I feel sort of messy and unorganized. Of course, I don't want it to be like 5 o'clock prayer time for like 20 minutes or whatnot. I despise spiritual programs. I wouldn't come up with a program for loving my wife (had I had one) and I don't intend on doing it with Jesus.
Sometimes I feel this laziness rise up in me when I want to go pray or read the Word. It is a frustrating thing to be consistent.
I'm always reminded of C.S. Lewis when he said, "No man knows how bad he is until he tries very hard to be good."
5 comments:
Okay Matt, been doing some reading this morning in the archives and am loving you even more for your realness, your transparency!
Anyway.......this struck me, this wrestling of yours with how to be consistent and disciplined in your time with God, cause haven't we all been there.......I love what you said here......"I wouldn't come up with a program for loving my wife and I don't intend on doing it with Jesus"
Simply profound! If Christians all around the world could hear this and re-evalutate it would be a happy day!!!
I think what we do is dissect certain behaviors of relationship and try and put them to practice, when relationship is suppose to be natural and spontaneous. The cart before the horse again.
So, I was being a little nosy and saw that these comments and it is totally in line with how I was feeling today. I went out to check the mail and buy some chocolate for the kids when I saw a guy walking out of the florist with a bunch of flowers. Of course it is valentines day tomorrow. And for "some reason" it irked me. It seemed to sterotypical and expected as though you have to get your wife or girlfriend flowers on valentines or you are in trouble. Like, where is the sponteneity or genuinity (word?) in everyone buying flowers on valentines day? Obligatory is more like it. It has never really bothered me that much before, but today it did. I don't want something from my husband out of obligation! Where is the life in that? Who would want their spouse to do things out of obligation rather than out of genuiness? Not me! And something tells me God feels the same way. He doesn't just want out obligatory flowers. He wants all of our heart, in all our very sponteneity and uniqueness.
And I am not saying that some people delight in days and a excuses such as valentines. I am just thinking that there are a lot of obligated flower buyers out there right now. Blech. . .
TLF ~ I SO hear you on this, it's funny my husband began to resent Valentine's Day a long time ago.....He now knows I hold no expectations of him on this day whatsoever. This year he spontaneously blessed me anyway..........!!
I think the life is in the day to day, obligatory times of 'relationship' or forced contrived anything is false and sucks any life right out of what true natural relationship is already there. The idea of flowers and romance etc........are not bad ideas, but when put on a calendar and turned into obligation, well that is just not REAL!!!
Besides Jesus holds no requirements over us, He wants genuine relationship out of a real desire to be with Him...........Yay!! I like it this way much better.........
Me too!
Post a Comment