I have decided from now on to know of nothing but grace since that is all I am able to attain. I can feel how hungry for grace I am within myself, I realize how I have been starving myself of grace, when grace is the only fuel sufficient for newness of life, love, freedom, etc...
But to be honest, I am still a little afraid of grace. It seems like lawlessness, like my humanity would take advantage of it and live like the devil. A life of grace is definitely a life of faith, not really knowing where to hold onto other than Christ's death and resurrection. It takes focus off everything but that. You can't focus on grace and works at the same time, it is all or nothing. All of grace or all of works.
The grace of God creates life in me that I can never get with a mindset of obedience. I always knew that it was grace, I would just too afraid to venture to that place, because I knew I would have to forget everything I thought I knew about Jesus' sayings and what is in the Bible. But I understand now that somethings there are no balance in. There is no balance in grace, since we're always in need of more of it. I am able to love God when I am in grace, I am able to really rejoice and honestly say that I like Jesus now. I don't understand everything He teaches, but one thing I do understand is the gospel.
Also, Jesus' sayings take on a totally different meaning under grace. So I have to start from square one, learning to read with what has been called "grace eyes".
I guess I feel like Paul now, deciding to know nothing other than Christ crucified. I don't want to add or subtract to it and take away any of its power. The simplicity of the gospel is almost scary. But I can never hear it too much. I have decided not do anything with the gospel, but to believe and tell everyone "Believe in the Lord Jesus and you will be saved." To add or subtract to that takes away it's power.