So, the virus or whatever I had is just about gone. But I noticed how my vision of the gospel became foggy.
Heres the thing...If I am not worrying or doing, then I feel that either I am not a genuine believer or Jesus is going to be very angry with me if He were to return at this moment, thus losing my salvation or He'll let me know I never had it to begin with. Pleasant thoughts, huh?
Now I feel condemned because I preach about trusting in Jesus alone, but then I get worried and wonder that maybe I have to have good enough behavior. When I hear Jesus' words "Blessed rather are those who hear the word of God and do it", everything in my brain goes "Oh crap". Sirens go off, and these little guys in my body start shoveling coal faster as I search myself like a drill sergeant. Am I doing God's word enough? Am I doing it at all? Do I really believe? Am I one of those "close, but no cigar" type guys?
Then I remind myself what the gospel means and I can hear something say to me "At ease, soldier". But then my brain says "Well, what about this verse in..." Then I say to myself "Whom are your eyes set on right now?" If they're not on Christ, then something is wrong with my thinking.