Saturday, June 9, 2007

scary freedom

I've let go of my worry and I suppress the slight urge to grab onto commandments and keep them for assurance. Simply resting, and keeping my eyes on Jesus Christ and His work on the cross, when there are so many commandments in the Bible, is scary. I feel like I will get lazy..I have slouched in prayer, but I don't think it is bad. I do believe God is just letting me rejoice in my new freedom and He will work up the desire for prayer and other things. But right now I am having to make myself relax and enjoy the freedom God has given me.

I have to resist the urge to question myself, and put myself under a microscope rather than keeping my eyes on Jesus, the Author and Finisher of my faith. It is so scary, but so freeing and exciting. I know this is true, because I've tried using fear, guilt and self-discipline to get myself to be obedient. This is a constant leap of faith that I know will become easier. It just seems too simple. But Paul said it was simple, and Jesus said you must receive the kingdom like a child.

Seek first the kingdom of God and HIS righteousness. Not seeking my own righteousness by living up to whatever the standard is set to where I finally find His kingdom.

In grace I have assurance, but I am also uneasy. It feels kind of like running naked, hundreds of miles away from any human, but still having that feeling that someone is going to see you. Focusing on the gospel, rather than commandments seems foolish and crazy. But the law is the ministry of death.

I wish someone more experienced in grace than myself would tell me if I am doing things right or not. I always second guess myself.

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