Thursday, June 28, 2007

A Story

I was thinking about an incident that happened to me before God changed my mind about Himself. I'm not sure if I posted it here before, but one night I was watching T.V. and I stopped on a channel, I believe Roseanne was on, and someone said, "Come out, come out, where ever you are." Right after this I changed the channel, and the cartoon Ozzy and Dryx was on Cartoon Network and they said the same thing, "Come out, come out, where ever you are." This happened one or 2 more times. Right before it happened, when I changed the channel, I remember thinking to myself "What if I turned the station and the next show said the same thing". And it happened.

Soon after this, I became born again. I believe it was God speaking to me in a loving, playful sort of voice. Like a dad playing with his son saying, "I'm gonna get you" or something. I don't believe in coincidences like that anymore. I believe that small, seemingly foolish message, was God speaking to me. I have never had any pentecostal experiences or anything. No laying on of hands, no healing. None of that, but I have that one ridiculously cheesy moment. And I love it.

It's also worth mentioning that in this time, I had been getting interested in God. Not at all seeking Him, but interested in spiritual things. Nothing big, just looking up religious tattoos, watching documentaries on History channel and such.

Then one day, I'm sitting right where I am now, listening to the song Wild Child by Enya. The lyrics and the melody spoke to me in the very beginning of the song. The words "Ever close your eyes? Ever stop and listen?" Just those words. I remember putting it on repeat and hearing the words over and over. I remember thinking about God while I heard them, and that was it, I was hooked. I found someone new to love. A new way to have joy, a more meaningful joy. Not medicated happiness. I eventually learned the gospel and finally understood it. It was like a light bulb went off in my head "Jesus died for my sins! I get it!"

I've replayed that song hundreds of times since the spring of '06 when I first heard it, trying to feel them again, but I can't. I think maybe it wasn't the song, but God speaking to me through it. Just the first few verses of it. He hasn't said those words to me again since. Possibly because I finally closed my eyes to listen and I finally understood God's grace. Now I strive to bask in it everyday.

My favorite thing is to find God's love, to dig and understand what He says. I'm normally lazy at this, listening to teachers of the Word. I hope God eventually starts causing me to dig in His Word myself more often. I just get scared that He won't speak love to me in His Word. I'm scared all I will be able to see are commands to live by in order to be approved by Him. I'm not saying thats what it is, I'm saying I'm still not able to see very much on my own.

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